


Such a Calamity

by RebelPaisley



Series: Nuisance 'Verse [2]
Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue, Power Rangers Lost Galaxy, Power Rangers Time Force
Genre: Adult Situations, And the world, Angry Sex, Angst, Communication Issues, Denial, Eric will FIGHT you, Humor, Intoxication, Kai is not impressed, M/M, Poor Carter, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, So much denial, Winning back your man, drunk phone calls, it'll get you, not explicit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-09-14 00:10:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16902366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebelPaisley/pseuds/RebelPaisley
Summary: Eric and Kai’s relationship had progressed well, in Eric’s opinion.  Kai disagrees.The rest of the world suffers for it, but mostly Eric, who has to battle some demons he’d rather ignore in order to win back Kai’s favor.Spiritual successor to 'Public Nuisance', though you don't have to read it to understand this story.





	1. The Ultimatum

**Author's Note:**

> This is my annual anniversary piece to commemorate when I first started to post fanfiction. Can’t believe it’s been eight years already! Thanks to everyone who has been around for the ride, and specifically, thanks to the ever talented and wonderfully patient the real vampire for beta-ing this chapter, and being an all-around awesome person. If you’re looking for some more power rangers romance, you should check out her story, 'My Brother's Keeper'. It’s pretty good. Just sayin ;P

“The problem’s not that you don’t put the dishes in the dishwasher,” Kai was saying, a teasing hum against the base of Eric’s neck as he alternated between rough bites and speaking.  “It’s that you put them in the dishwasher _wrong_.”

“There’s no incorrect way to put ‘em in,” Eric griped, pushing any annoyance to the back of his mind as he prioritized his focus on the feel of Kai settled in his lap, the friction of the other man’s thighs as he tried to get a better angle, eliminate the distance between them. 

“Yes,” Kai huffed, the warm air brushing against Eric’s collar bone in that simultaneously annoyed-yet-arousing way.  “There is.”

Hell, maybe it was arousing _because_ the other man was frustrated, which would probably explain why Eric kept purposely defying Kai’s rather intricate dish-loading system.  And then _disorganizing_ it whenever the blue ranger had gotten there first. 

Just, probably. 

“Alright,” Eric allowed, because they were reaching that point in their physical engagements when Kai’s annoyance should be translating into rough treatment, and the only way to do that was for Eric to agree he had done something wrong.

There was pride, and then there was sex (phenomenal, mind-blowing sex), and it had taken Eric about all of five minutes to decide which one was more important.

“What I don’t understand,” Kai continued, stubborn, fingers tugging roughly at the tiny hairs on the back of Eric’s neck.  “Is how we can be so in sync and then you do this-”

“Bad memory,” Eric explained, distracted and breathless as he pulled Kai into a hard, open mouthed kiss. 

_There_ ; now they could cut with the chit-chat and get with the-

“-like I don’t notice when you do these things on purpose,” Kai continued, gasping, running a hand up the front of Eric’s chest, a cruel tease.  “Like I can’t _see-_ ”

“Okay,” Eric began, noticing the look in his boyfriend- his partner- his... _Kai’s_ eyes had transcended from mere frustration to murderous and the bites, while… enjoyable, probably weren’t intended to cater to Eric’s particular kinks.  “So maybe I-”

“But you do,” Kai continued, focusing on Eric’s neck with such dedicated intensity that the Quantum Ranger’s glowing feeling of warmth was beginning to fade, somehow counteracted by doom despite the willing, wily, and _writhing_ male who’d taken up camp in his lap.  “You do, and I realized _this-_ ”

He tugged at Eric’s hair sharply, no restraint, none of that calculated carefulness, giving Eric no chance to hide exactly how _greatly_ that affected him, his moan loud and unapologetic.

“Yes,” Kai murmured, talking against Eric’s lips as his nails bit vicious crescents into the red ranger’s upper torso.  “Was received with much _greater_ enthusiasm than I had anticipated.”

“Perhaps-” Eric’s eyes must have closed because the onslaught felt that much sweeter; Kai’s rough ministrations intensified under the darkness of closed lids.

“Shut up.” The interruption was stern on domineering, refusing to accept defiance and yeah, _yes_ , Kai knew how to do the best sweet talk.

Eric had always known he’d picked a winner.

“And it’s not that this is a problem.” The calm, technical delivery of Kai’s explanation was probably the best compliment to the jerked, harsh delivery of his ‘affections’, like it was just his way to keep his head when Eric was so close to losing it, even though he could _feel_ Kai rivalled, if not surpassed, his own arousal.  “It’s just the fact that _I_ feel _awful-_ ” And there was another yank at Eric’s head.  “-and _guilty-_ ” Yank.  “ _Every. Single. **Time**_. _”_

Each of these was punctuated by a fresh set of bites against the bottom of Eric’s jaw, taunting, Kai never going near his lips, or his neck, or how about his _damn_ -

“-we do this.  So I don’t, and then you goad me, so that we will, but you don’t _tell_ me-” In one swift movement Kai grabbed a hold of Eric’s wrists and had him shoved back against the bed, body laid out flat as the blue ranger accessed that rarely-used enhanced strength of his to pin the other man down, straddling Eric’s waist, chest heaving as he stared back down at the red ranger. 

“So instead we have this,” Kai murmured, pinning Eric’s wrists above his head one-handed, so _amazingly_ hot.  “And you win, and I get deceived.”

“I’m getting the feeling you don’t appreciate this as much as you let on,” Eric managed, frankly impressed at the coherence of his sentence, let alone the put-together delivery.

It wasn’t until he saw the blue ranger’s eyes darken that he realized that whatever he had said probably hadn’t been the best choice for dealing with an aggravated Kai.

“ _Really_?”

It also didn’t help that a snarling-Kai was still an epically sexy Kai, and even when the sarcasm continued with a very frustrated, _“Perhaps_?” there were other responses that would have led to a more agreeable evening.

Thrusting up against Kai’s hips like a sexually frustrated school boy was probably not one of them.

Based on how their conversation had ended, Eric wasn’t honestly surprised when Kai, still fully clothed, left the room in a frustrated huff.  Fortunately, the look of pure evil he had thrown over his shoulder gave Eric enough to work with so he could take care of his current predicament. 

It wasn’t a lot, but when the hormones subsided (and they always did, as much as it disappointed him), then Eric was going to have to deal with the _shit_ he had generously dealt himself, and that wasn’t going to be pleasant for anyone involved.

So he took his time, and then took a shower.

If he was going to do this properly, it would help if he didn’t reek of crushed hopes and desperation. 

Just, as a personal thing.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Eric called Carter first, mostly because any attempt to contact Kai at this exact moment would probably lead to yet another smashed cell phone, and they had already gone through three of those this past month alone.  This was not an acceptable loss-to-month ratio, but seeing as Kai was pretty much ambivalent to the state of the rest of Eric’s household appliances, the Quantum Ranger thought he could let this one slide.  Everyone was entitled to their quirks, he figured.

He called Carter first because they had decided, he and Kai, that seeing as Carter was at least partially responsible for bringing them together, the very least the Lightspeed Rescue Ranger could do was play relationship counselor from time-to-time.  Was this a blatant abuse of a friendship?  An unfair call to a man that was duty-bound to perform _all_ duties?  Yes, yes it was; but that never deterred Kai and Eric, so it was with practiced comfort that Eric hit speed-dial three and awaited the possibly-annoyed/resigned/calm tones of one Carter Grayson.

When he was greeted by an obnoxiously cheerful Wes Collins instead, Eric was half-tempted to fulfill his own phone-breaking quota for the month and do away with his electronic device as quickly as physically possible.

But _damn it_ , he was still going to reserve that right for Kai, so Eric quickly hung up instead and punched in Carter’s number manually, figuring that the stupid blond had been messing with his contact list again.

“ _Back so soon?_ ” Wes’ voice teased when he answered, too pleased with himself, too overjoyed, with enough blatant enthusiasm to make Eric’s eye begin to twitch.

“Where’s Carter?” Eric grumbled, ignoring the blond’s question in favor of his own. 

“ _Bathroom_ ,” Wes replied, implying, at the very least, that he was in Carter’s immediate vicinity, meaning the blond was in his apartment, and sounding like it wasn’t some bizarre thing for him to be there, in Carter’s apartment.  “ _Can I take a message?”_

“No.  I need to talk to Carter.”

“ _But Eric-”_

“ ** _No_** ,” the Quantum Ranger interrupted, refusing to allow the blond to fall into his pitiful stream of whining.  “Not you.  _Carter_.  That’s why I called him.”

“ _You sound angry_ ,” Wes came across as more pleased with this discovery than thoughtful.  “ _Did something go wrong with Kai?”_

“Did something go wrong with your ears?” Eric countered, refusing to have this conversation with his teammate.  “Because you’re not Carter.”

“ _What’s so great about Carter?”_   If Eric had to take a guess, he would say that the other ranger was pouting, doling out his wounded puppy eyes on a phone that neither processed nor cared about his feelings.  “ ** _I’m_** _your best friend_.”

“ _You’re_ a pain in the ass,” Eric argued, running a weary hand across the front of his face.  “And secondly, why the hell are you at Carter’s?”

“ _We’re saying his name a lot in this particular conversation_ ,” Wes replied, blatantly ignoring Eric’s question with a quiet observation of his own.  “ _I’m not sure how I feel about this.”_

“Put that on the list of ‘ _Shit I don’t care about’_ ,” Eric grumbled, forcing himself to take a deep breath and count to ten, willing some of those damn anger-management exercises to actually _work_ for once in his pathetic existence. 

“ _You wound me Eric_ ,” the tone of Wes’ voice said he didn’t sound _nearly_ as hurt as his words implied.  “ _Wound me.”_

“I’ll be sure to feel bad about that never.”  The thread of Eric’s patience was ever-so-slowly making its way to the end, threatening to unravel completely and leave him with nothing but bitter contempt. 

“ _Eric-_ ”

“Wes,” the Quantum Ranger warned.  “There are important things that need to be discussed here and I promise, you are not qualified for any of them.”

“ _How can I not be qualified?_ ” Wes was beginning to sound perturbed by the suggestion.  “ _I’m just as good as Carter_.”

“First of all, no, you are not-”

“ _Are too._ ”

“Are _not-_ ”

“ _Okay_ ,” a voice, distinctly noted as Carter’s, carried through the line.  It was clearly at a distance, but the wave of relief that followed was strong enough for Eric to count it as a victory.  “ _I’m not sure what I walked in on here, but I think everyone would benefit from my interruption_.”

“ _Tell him I’m as good as you_.” Wes’ petulant eyes were probably turned towards Carter now, his voice carrying away from the phone.  “ _And that I’m his best friend.”_

“ _I don’t think that’s how opinions work_ ,” Carter replied, just as calm, level-headed, and steady as always. 

But Eric also had to note (because he was especially cruel to himself like that), that this comment was made in a way that sounded well practiced and comfortable, like the other man was familiar with how to appropriately handle Wes.

“Oh God,” Eric grumbled, head collapsing into his palm as he made a rather unpleasant connection.  “Please tell me you two aren’t dating.”

“ _What’s wrong with us-?”_

“ _What exactly did you call for?”_ Carter talked over Wes easily, and based on the annoyed _humph_ on their end of the line, Wes did not approve of this.

“Seriously?” Eric countered, mind still grasping at how to handle that bombshell.  “How long has this been going on?  And _why_?”

The last question, actually, was the one he felt was more important, the one he could not understand.  At all.

“ _Look,”_ Wes began to argue, talking over the beginnings of Carter’s quiet protests.  “ _Just because you don’t like blonds-”_

“Trust me; your hair color is the least of your problems.”

“ _Hey-_ ”

“ _Eric_.”  There was some fumbling and some stubborn complaints from Wes, but eventually Carter had the phone again, voice loud and consistent to indicate he had it pressed to his ear.  “ _Is there something specific you called for; aside from bothering my boyfriend?”_

“Please don’t willingly say those words,” Eric pleaded, steadying his head in his hands.  “I don’t think I can deal with that right now.”

“ _Eric_ -”

“I mean you’re a good guy Carter _,”_ Eric continued, frowning at his phone.  “You deserve good things _.”_

“ ** _I’m_** _a good thing.”_ Wes’ protest came through a small haze of static, informing Eric he had been switched onto speaker phone which was just freaking _fantastic_. 

“ _Get to the point, Eric.”_ Carter sounded almost terse, like he would take no more funny business.

Eric sighed. “Just, get him out of the room or something alright?  I need a sounding board that won’t be remarkably unhelpful.”

“ _Oh, **hell no**_ ,” Wes scoffed, cutting in before Carter could share his brilliance and agree with Eric.  “ _I am on board with this now, so go ahead and share the fact you managed to piss off Kai again-”_

“I did _not_ ,” Eric insisted, purely on the need that of the things Wes could be right about, the status of his relationship was not one of them.

“ _Oh, sure you_ _‘did not’_ , _which explains exactly why you’re just especially grumpy right now and only want to speak to Carter_.”

Eric opened his mouth to protest, but before he could do so, Carter reentered the fray, “ _That doesn’t sound any different from how he normally operates_.”

“ _Carter_.” And Wes was wounded, puppy eyes a blazing and mouth most likely set in that irritating pout of his. 

In the lull that followed, Eric could picture Carter shrugging.  “ _It’s true.  But only_ ,” the red ranger continued, dampening the mighty fine parade that was taking up base in Eric’s mind, so happy that Wes’ own _boyfriend_ (and…nope, nope, still couldn’t think that) had put an end to the blond’s cheer.  “- _because Eric seems to thrive on antagonistic relationships too much.  Which, if I’m correct, may have led to his reason for making this call.”_

“… _am I right Eric?”_ Carter asked after a short delay, allowing his question to hang in the air so Eric could process it, inspect ever nuance, connotation, and hidden meaning before properly answering.

Or maybe it was for dramatic effect; these things tended to vary when it came to Carter. 

“There may be some truth to this,” Eric admitted once he was allowed a dramatic pause of his own, feeling somewhat gratified by the silence, considering the fact he was now talking about things he never, in good spirit, wanted to talk about.  Ever.

And _Wes_ was on the other end of the line.

It was painful in the most un-sexy of ways.

“ _Color me shocked_ ,” Wes drawled, tone laden with unimpressed sarcasm.

Eric could just picture Carter swatting at the blond with the mildest of irritation, more of a gentle press to not fall back into an argument than to spare Eric’s feelings.  Which was a shame, Eric _liked_ arguing.

Then again, seeing as that was what had brought him to this point in the first place, perhaps he should be more selective about the battles he picked.

“ _So what, exactly, did you do?”_ Carter asked, tone militaristic and confident, like he was one step from going into full on battle mode which, if Eric recalled correctly, was how he generally sounded whenever Eric called him for advice.  There was probably something to read into that.

“ _Goading, tricking, manipulation are but a few of his relationship violations_.”

Well speak of the devil, there was Kai.

The interesting thing about it though, was that he was on the _other_ side of the line.

“ _Holy shit, how’d you get in here?”_ Wes babbled, more shocked by the surprise entry into what was supposedly Carter’s private quarters.

You know what; Eric was just hoping they were shacked up in the living room.  He really didn’t need the visual image of Wes and Carter sprawled across a queen-sized bed.

“ _Spare key_ ,” Kai explained, ambivalent to Wes’ surprise.  “ _Carter gave us each one_.”

“ _For_ **_emergencies_**.” Carter didn’t necessarily sound exasperated as he explained this, probably because he knew Kai didn’t care about those details as it was, and Eric could just picture his boyfri- his… _Kai_ cutting off any continued explanations with a vague wave of his hand.

“ _Small compromise for the sake of the mission,”_ Kai offered, unapologetic.  “ _I’ll return to normal operating procedures later.”_

“ _Is this a sting operation?”_ Wes asked, purely for the sake of being a nuisance, as none of them were inclined to answer him.  “ _Because this feels like some SWAT team business right here.”_

“ _You are wrong on both counts_ ,” Kai replied, tone sounding _almost_ helpful.  “ _I simply came because previous experience has taught me that Eric’s next move would have been to most likely call Carter.  As I sought to have a frank discussion with him, this seemed like the most appropriate alternative.”_

“ _That sounds… overly-complicated,”_ Wes said, tone a clear enough indication that his brain could not handle the brilliant might of one Kai Chen. 

Not a surprising feat in itself.

“ _I’m gonna have to agree with Wes on this one_ ,” Carter added, and in the background Eric could hear Wes make a pleased sound. 

“ _Regardless_ ,” Kai continued, too focused to allow the other two to fall into a gooey-eyed staring contest.  “ _It has achieved the desired results, also giving me the added benefit of not being in the same room as him.”_

There was a few chuckles that were _clearly_ unrelated to the conversation, and then Wes cut back in. “ _Ooh_ , _dude_.  **_Burn_**.”

“Shut it, Collins,” Eric growled, briefly considering making his way over to Carter’s apartment himself.

“ _Also_ ,” Kai continued, completely mindless to their interruptions.  “ _It would seem that you are more frank about our relationship with Carter than you are with me.”_

“ _Double burn_ ,” Wes chirped, too thrilled with himself for Eric’s tastes. 

That settled it; he was putting on his goddamn shoes and making his way over there.  To wring Wes’ neck, if for no other reason.  It was way overdue.

“ _Kai_.” The warning sound in Carter’s voice was ultimately wasted on deaf ears, as Kai was on his own little mission, and had no intention of compromising it in any way.

 _“Maybe you should date him instead_ ,” Kai offered, sounding almost conversational, thoughtful.  “ _Since you’re so close.”_  
  
“I actually have a problem with this,” Wes interrupted, and were Eric in the room with them he could picture the blond raising a hand, as though waiting to be called upon by the teacher.

“- _And then I can date Wes,”_ Kai blithely talked over the blond; eyes, Eric had no doubt, focused on the phone resting on the bed/in-Carter’s-hands/wherever-the-hell-it-was.   “ _Since you seem to think I like **him** so much_-”

“Please don’t drag me into this,” Wes pleaded, over the displeased sounds from Carter.  It was in vain because Kai didn’t care and Eric, once he was done fighting off the fresh wave of jealousy that hit envisioning _that_ particular set up, wouldn’t care either. 

“ _Seriously_ ,” the red ranger continued, begging to deaf ears.  “ _I have enough Eric-anger in my life, I don’t need more_.”

“You don’t want to date me anymore?” Eric snarled, shoving his shoes on carelessly, one foot at a time, pissed that he couldn’t make the action go faster.  “Is that what this is?”

“ _Are we even dating?”_ the blue ranger countered, sounding cool and focused, just as he always was.  “ _We live together, we are together, but you won’t even refer to me as your boyfriend in casual conversation-”_

“Aren’t we a little _old_ for that shit?” Eric seethed, giving up on properly tying his laces and settling for a slip knot, fingers unable to manage anything else.

“ _As far as I know, there aren’t any age limits.”_ Kai’s voice was emotionless save for an added bite; just enough to indicate that he did not hold Eric in good spirits right now. 

“ _Okay people_ ,” Carter interrupted, trying to get a handle on things.  “ _Let’s just take a few deep breaths and try to be proactive_.”

The attempted soothing probably would have been a little more effective if Wes hadn’t followed it up with an incredulous, “ _He hasn’t called you his boyfriend_?”

This was clearly aimed at Kai, and the other man made a small sound to indicate a nugatory.   

_“He has commitment issues,”_ Kai explained, a conclusion which, Eric noted, that had not been shared with _him_. 

“ _And trust issues_ ,” Wes noted, trying to be helpful, and by the quiet pause that followed, Eric could tell Kai was nodding his head thoughtfully.

“ _Those too_ ,” Kai admitted.

“First of all-” Eric grumbled, refusing to deal with _that_ shit, only to have his protest unceremoniously cut off by his- by Kai.

“ _First of all_ ,” Kai cut in, countering Eric’s angered tones with quiet determination.  “ _We are not doing this anymore.  I have reached my level of acceptable tolerance for this behavior_ -”

“And what,” Eric scoffed.  “-exactly does _that-?_ ”

“ _If you want to keep doing this,”_ Kai continued, indifferent to the sinking sensation in Eric’s chest. “ _If you want to remain together, then you need to reevaluate your approach.  I am not a plaything, I am not a lesser man for you to manipulate, and I refuse to let you keep using that as a tool to keep me at a distance just because you can’t handle the idea of someone being important to you.”_

“I don’t-”

“ _You do_ ,” Kai interrupted.  “ _You do and it’s understandable, given your history, but I’m not doing this anymore.  I refuse to enable you.  So to make things easier, here’s a short list of the things you need to get done in order to rectify the situation.”_

“Kai-”

_“Number one:  Personal evaluation.  Figure out what you want.  And I mean definite answers here, not this maybe, halfway-between nonsense.  Either we date or we don’t, but figure something out.”_

“ _Kai-_ ”

“ _Number two,_ ” Kai continued, breezy.  “ _Get it through your head that I am in no way attracted to Wes, or to Carter, or to the barista at the coffee place, or to Leo, or to any other males or females or inanimate objects I happen to interact with on a semi-regular basis.”_

“ _Inanimate objects?”_ Wes echoed, back to being confused.  “ _What objects does he-?”_

“The sword, for one,” Eric muttered, unable to help himself.

Above Wes’ startled guffaw, Kai continued, “ _It’s just a sword Eric.  I’m no more attached to it than you are of your gun_.”

“ _So, you’re ready to start a family with it,”_ Wes joked, with his spectacularly horrible timing.

Based on the uneasy silence that followed, Eric assumed he wouldn’t hear much more from the blond this particular conversation, seeing as Kai had pretty much stared him into submission. 

“ _Number three_ ,” Kai began, ending the pause with a locked jaw and mild irritation.  “ _Woo me.  Actual, legitimate wooing, as opposed to the stunt you pulled at the reunion_.”

“That was actual-”

Wes defied Eric’s expectation by speaking up again.  “ _Actually – I’ll take this one for you.”_ That must have been aimed at Kai.  “ _That was_ _not_.”

Eric frowned, shoving in his jacket.  “No one cares what you think-”

“ _It was not_ ,” Kai and Carter echoed simultaneously, Carter, despite himself, managing to sound a bit weary.

Still, it was nice to know he had kept listening.

“ _Those are your conditions.  Please inform me if you feel disinclined to follow them so I can know to pack up my stuff_.”  Stuff, as in leaving, as in Kai could be _gone_ \- “ _Good day_.”

And with that, there was silence.   The last part, Eric recognized in the foggy area of his mind that was still functioning after that mild blow – had been aimed at Wes and Carter.

But not Eric.

Eric was not wished a good day.

Eric might be down a-

A person.  A person who he lov-  who he li-

…who he _appreciated_.

 _Shit_ , that sounded even lame to him.

“ _Wow_ ,” Wes said eventually, pretty much the last voice Eric wanted to hear.  “ _That was intense_.”

 _“Go after him_ ,” Carter said, a quiet command, but almost one reached of mutual agreement, like Wes could see its usefulness too.  “ _And Eric-”_

“I’m fine,” Eric grumbled, despite the fact that he was back to sitting dejectedly on his bed, forehead cradled in his hands as he pondered how an evening that had started off so well had gone _so_ wrong.

“ _Just stay there_ ,” Carter said, not bothering to argue with him.  “ _I’ll come to you_.”

“I don’t need-”

“ _For my sake then,”_ Carter offered, because Carter was Eric’s friend and could do things like humor his reclusive, stubborn ways, because he was duty-bound, because for some odd reason he liked Eric, because-

Because now Eric no longer had Kai, who used to do all of the above and more without complaint, but now Eric didn’t, because Eric was a screw up like that.

“Okay,” Eric mumbled, too numb to manage anything else.  “Okay.”

There wasn’t much else he could manage.

-:-:-:-:-:-

True to Wes’ word, the Carter that showed up to Eric’s previously-shared abode had damp hair that flew loose in a disorganized fashion, indicating that he had, in fact, just been taking a shower.  Eric would have felt bad about this were it not for the fact his body only seemed capable of dumb blinking and not much else.  It was surprising as hell he had actually managed to open the door for Carter, so he decided to save his guilt for a later day and figure out what the hell just happened.

The inevitable, maybe.  An ultimatum, definitely.  And obviously, now Eric had to change or had to… stop being not-good enough for Kai, or hell, he didn’t know.  He was just glad that Carter, common sense, no-nonsense Carter, had felt kind enough to show up, was fortunate enough that the other ranger lived in Silver Hills as the Lightspeed Rescue correspondent for Bio Labs.  Until now, Eric had just thought the other man’s move had been for the sake of easing communication between the two organizations, but now that he thought about it, a large motivator for that had to have been Wes.

Just… gross. 

“So,” Eric began, collapsing onto his couch with a vague gesture for Carter to follow in suit.  “You got any suggestions?”

The quick inspection he made of Carter’s expression was enough to indicate that the Lightspeed ranger had at least a basic idea of where to go from here, if not the best way to explain it in a way that was receptive to Eric’s… stubbornness.

Eric gave him three seconds before an audible sigh, somewhat akin to a surrender, was released, and Carter bulled forward without concern to his sensibilities. 

“It seems like he gave you a straight-forward list.”

Because Carter was doing him a favor, he supposed (in some way), Eric restrained himself from glaring.  Or, at least, intensely glaring. 

Knee-jerk reactions were labeled as such for a reason.

“I have a friend who could help you,” Carter offered, clasping the Quantum ranger’s shoulder comfortingly.  From just about anyone else, Eric would have seen it as patronizing, but from Carter, Eric had learned to recognize it as a quiet show of support. 

“One of my teammates,” Carter continued, taking Eric’s silence in stride.  “She’s a paramedic, but she’s trained in counseling-”

“I am _not_ going to a head doctor.”  The growl wasn’t meant to be threatening, more of a statement of fact.  The delivery in itself had been ingrained in him from a young age, so Eric didn’t bother worrying about its reception.  “I’m not crazy.”

“I didn’t say you were,” the other man countered, voice cool.  “But I think it might help to have a clear, objective opinion from a person who has worked with both you and Kai.  Help you figure things out.”

Eric frowned.  “You think I’m so pathetic-”

“No one thinks you are pathetic.” Carter’s tone left no room for argument, despite somehow having no edge to it.  “And talking to someone does not indicate immediate weakness.”

“I can sort this out on my own,” Eric bit out, hand clenching into a tight fist, shaking against his thigh.  “It shouldn’t be that difficult.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Eric could see the other ranger’s head tilt to the side thoughtfully.  “I did not mean to imply you couldn’t,” Carter offered after a few minutes.  “But at the very least, getting an outside opinion can let you know if you are in the right.”

Eric considered for a moment, recognizing that this, like Carter’s reasons for coming over in the first place, was yet another mask in a long line of things that were necessary because of Eric’s pride and that, in itself, was enough of a problem to warrant some kind of help.  Eric could detach himself enough from the situation to recognize that, and even if it wasn’t something he necessarily _liked,_ he could, at the very least, try.

It was that, or to continue as he was.

If Eric were honest with himself (he wasn’t, because he liked surviving, but if he _was_ ), he would admit that was an utterly unappealing prospect.

“Okay,” the Quantum ranger muttered after a short pause, allowing himself a moment to wearily swipe a hand across face.  “What’s her number?”

He didn’t have to say _“You won’t regret this”_ \- Carter’s smile was enough to indicate it all - and that was muffled, for Eric’s sake, as he handed over a light, no-nonsense business card.

 _Ready or not_ , Eric thought as he flipped the card between his hands, studying both sides carefully, _here I come_.

(And she wasn’t, just like he wasn’t, so he figured it was fair).


	2. The Attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the real vampire for her careful beta-ing of this chapter! If you’re looking for some more power ranger angst, you should check out her story 'My Brother's Keeper'  
> .

The shoes were modest things; low heeled, well-maintained, and practical, which, given the occupation of their owner, was entirely logical. 

Eric hated them anyway, on principle.  They were a stupid pair of shoes.

“Do you want to tell me why you’re here?”

“No,” Eric replied, narrowing his eyes at the complete stillness of the doctor’s footwear; not one nervous, impatient tick yet.

It had only been a few minutes though; he would give it a few more before he counted on aggravation setting in.  Realistically, if he was being honest with himself (he didn’t want to be, but the part of him that kept a firm grasp on reality refused to back down), Eric realized his obstinate reluctance was not the most appropriate strategy to pursue at the moment.  He needed this - _he didn’t_ ; he had to remind himself of that or he would break.  What good was a person if they turned to other people for every little thing?  But Carter thought he needed it, so here he was, and here _she_ was, so he’d better adjust himself appropriately or she would leave too.

A part of Eric- the old, bitter part, recognized this as an inevitability.

The newer part, the one he had acquired from being a ranger, still fresh and uneasy in Eric’s mind, wanted to think differently.  Wanted to hope.

It was an odd thing, something that still managed to make him uncomfortable, but Eric figured it had gotten him this far, had gotten him Kai, so why not?

“Okay,” the voice replied, calm, smooth, somehow both casual and professional, like despite the fact this was business they were somehow friends. 

True, they were both rangers, but that didn’t instantly allow you friendship.  Respect, maybe, but not the casual intimacy she seemed to imply.  Or maybe Eric was reading too much into things.  He did that, sometimes.

“Well then, why don’t you tell me about your hobbies?”

“How’s that supposed to help me?” Eric asked, raising an eyebrow as he risked a look at the blonde doctor’s face.  As he feared, she wore a look of patient neutrality, a perfect façade to cover up the likely analyzing of his every action.

Because Eric had always been so fond of _that_.

The doctor shrugged.  “I’m not sure, but you can tell a lot about a person from his hobbies.”

“Can you?”

It sounded more like a challenge than a question, even to his own ears, but the doctor’s expression never faltered.

“Sure,” she replied, tone light.

“I think you’re making that up.”  It was total malarkey, as far as Eric was concerned.

It was the doctor’s turn to raise an eyebrow.  “I think I just need to get you talking,” she explained.  “And this would be a safe subject.”

Eric leaned back in his chair with a slouch, pulling his eyes away from the doctor to take another perusal of the room, examining its semi-cluttered, yet distinctly homey state.

Like the shoes, he hated it.

On principal.

“I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to tell me your game plan,” he grumbled, frowning at the pictures lining her shelves, smiling faces of her team and her family, some more of what were probably young children she had saved, classes of school kids she had visited.  All happy things.

Eric had a few of those himself, but he was also sure to keep some photos on hand of the destruction he had seen from Ransik’s attacks, clippings of newspaper articles he had framed so he could remember what could happen when he failed, the cost of any weakness. 

He couldn’t break.  He wouldn’t.

“And I’m pretty sure I’m not a therapist,” the blonde countered dryly.  “I’m a medical doctor, that is my practice.  Think of me more as a neutral third party.  A friend.”

“We’re not friends.” Eric narrowed his eyes at her, refusing to allow those preconceptions to continue.

“We _could_ be friends.”

Eric rolled his eyes.  “We could also be neighbors and teammates and coworkers, but we’re not, and we are not friends.”

He had felt good after his little spiel, relieved almost, that he had established his line, a private line of defense, so that there would be no miscommunications.  Eric might be gruff, but he tried to be up front with people… at least on certain things.

There were so many things Eric did not like about the eyes that judged him afterwards - considering, weighing, Eric knew - but he held his ground, not backing off from the intense stare.  That was what she wanted him to do. 

“I see you have solid definitions for how people should be categorized,” she noted, almost off-handedly, before jotting something down on her notepad.  “The question is _how_ you discern what people go where.”

“What the hell are you going on about?” Eric snapped, fingers tightening against the armrests of his chair until the wood started creaking, threatening destruction.

If the blonde had noticed it, or cared, she gave no indication.  “Wes tells me you pick on him a lot, as your friend-”

“First of all, we are not friends, we are coworkers, and second of all, when did Wes come whining to you?”

“Believe it or not,” the doctor murmured, eyes downcast as her pen flowed across the paper, soundless.  “You are not the first person who-”

“You’ve therapized?” Eric cut in, eyes accusatory, not bothering to hide it.

The doctor remained calm.  “That I’ve been a neutral third party for,” she corrected, an almost sweet tinge to her voice.

“How considerate of you,” Eric replied dryly, leaning back in his chair.

“I thought so,” the blonde murmured noncommittally, tapping her pen against her notepad.  “So you pick on Wes-”

“Don’t say that, it makes us sound like eight-year-olds,” Eric grumbled, frowning at the mental image of young Wes.  He had to have been hell incarnate at that age, full of too much energy and not enough focus.

Eric shuddered just thinking about it.

“Then it sounds about perfect,” she said, ignoring the glare it instigated.  “Now, you’re friends with Carter, but you have no problems with him.”

“That’s because Carter’s decent,” Eric replied.  “And Wes and I aren’t friends, so you can stop reading into this.”

“Of course,” the blonde agreed without actually, you know, agreeing, giving a patronizing nod of the head.  “I think it’s because Carter isn’t threatening.”

“Have you _met_ Carter?”  It was rhetorical, they both knew that, as Carter was the one who had arranged this visit.  Hell, he was in most of the pictures on her walls.  “He’s one of the best rangers I know.”

“I meant in an intimate kind of way,” the doctor explained, ignoring how Eric choked on the words because no, sorry Carter, but no- “In regards to your relationship, not his fighting prowess.”

“Now you’re just making stuff up,” Eric accused, frowning at the pad in her hand before returning his attention to her.  “Carter and I get along fine.”

“Because Carter is respectful,” the blonde replied, like she was teaching Eric something, even if it was stuff he already knew.  “Carter doesn’t push boundaries; he’s supportive, calm, accepting.”

Yes, and those were all the reasons he wasn’t obnoxious.

Unlike _some_ people.

“Whereas Wes,” the blonde continued, somehow sensing Eric’s train of thought with her damn mind-tricks. “Does nothing _but_ push.  He’s respectful and kind, but doesn’t back down from a challenge.  And you, Eric,” Her eyes glanced up from her notepad, pen continuing easily despite her diverted gaze.  “-are nothing but a challenge.”

“So glad I get to entertain him then,” Eric deadpanned, laying on the sarcasm as thick as he could make it.  For a second, a look flashed across her eyes; sadness, pity maybe- well, to hell with that – and then it was gone.

“So would you say that you actively seek these negative relationships out?”

“I don’t seek, so much as they just happen,” Eric grumbled, glancing up towards the ceiling in an attempt to discover new patience.  He needed to do this; he needed to get her to understand he was fine so that _Kai_ could understand he was fine.

“They happen,” the blond repeated with a nod.  “To people close to you?”

“To people I _have_ to interact with,” Eric countered.  “The rest I have no problems with.”

“You’re professional?”

“Of course.”

“No problem employees at work?”

“That’s on the job,” Eric explained, eyes narrowed.  “There’s a standard of conduct that needs to be followed in a workplace.”

“Of course,” she echoed, copying his tone from earlier.  “And what about outside of work?” she continued.  “No annoying people at the super market?  No over-nosey neighbors?”

“Sure there are.” Eric couldn’t keep his jaw from clenching as he answered the question, struggling for patience.  “But it’s not on a regular basis.  There’s no need to be rude for minor corrections.”

“Corrections,” the doctor echoed with a nod, grating on Eric’s nerves.  “So you’re only rude to…?”

“The people I _have_ to interact with.” What was it with all the repetition?  What, now _he_ had to echo himself? “I already said that.”

“Like Wes?” the blonde offered.

Seeing as that subject had already been covered, redundantly, Eric nodded.  “Yep.”

“And Mr. Collins?”

“He’s my boss,” Eric reminded with a frown, knowing the mind reader had already done her research.  “I told you, I’m professional at work.”

“You’re not friends?”

Eric shrugged.  “As much as you can be friends with your boss.”

The implication was ‘not very’, but he could tell by her incredulous stare that she did not support this claim.

“What about other red rangers?” she continued, deciding to move on instead of focusing on that battle.  A good choice, on her part. 

She said this casually, but Eric could imagine a slight bitterness in her tone, that she hadn’t been among the few chosen for a team up.

_Heh… jealous_.

“I like Andros,” Eric admitted with a smug grin, watching as her pen moved with just a bit more jerked enthusiasm.  “And Jason’s not so bad.”

“What about Tommy?”

Eric shrugged.  “He’s okay, I guess.”

“And the others…?” She trailed off suggestively, earlier annoyance non-existent as he glanced up, to find amusement in her eyes.

The shudder was unwilling and immediate, the thought of _the others_ , and Eric did not imagine the quiet, melodic laugh that followed it.

“I think that’s response enough,” the blonde chirped, jotting something down on her paper.

“You gonna ask about my teammates now?” Eric asked, mildly perturbed, and the small grin grew.

“In fact, I was.”

“With the exception of Wes, they’re fine,” Eric replied, not petulant, never giving someone else that kind of satisfaction.

She made a small humming sound.  “They’re also in a different time period.”

“Which doesn’t make them any less fine.” Granted, they weren’t perfect people/aliens, but that didn’t mean Eric couldn’t feel defensive. They were decent, after all. 

Not that Eric would ever tell them that.

“Which makes them people you hardly ever see.”

“Yes,” Eric replied between clenched teeth.  God, this was getting grating.  “I believe it would.”

The doctor considered him for a moment, chin resting on her hand as she openly stared, not bothering for subtly, and frowned.

“You’re not seeing a pattern here, are you?”

“Is the pattern that you’re poor of hearing?” Eric asked, sneering.  “Because that’s the only thing I’m getting here.”

She considered him for another moment for whatever voodoo reasons she felt were pressing before she eventually sighed, and moved to re-examine her notes.

Good then, they could both be annoyed.  That was something in which Eric could take satisfaction.

“Okaaaay,” she began, drawing out the vowel as her eyes skimmed the paper.  “Now, Kai tells me-”

“When the hell did you speak to Kai?” Eric lurched forward as though a shortened distance would give him a more desirable answer.  Or, any answer at all, to be realistic.

The cool look in her eye was enough to tell him how farfetched that desire was.

“Kai tells me,” she continued, eyes daring him for another interruption.  “That you provoke him often?”

“That’s none of your goddamn business,” Eric murmured, feeling the heat rise to the back of his neck at the mention of his personal life.

“I’m not trying to get into details here,” the blonde explained, voice calm and placating.   “I’m just attempting to illustrate a point.”

“And that would be…?” Eric growled, glaring the woman down as his grip threatened the chair’s structural integrity, his enhanced strength testing its overall stability.

Her gaze was patient when she looked up at him, patient and unflinching, unaffected by his ire.  “That you’re uncomfortable with receiving positive attention.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Eric scoffed, feeling something close to relief settled in his chest.  She was way off base.  “I’ll admit I’m messed up, but I’m not-”

“You’re not entirely sure how to handle it,” the doctor continued, talking over him.  “So you perceive it as a threat and attempt to instigate feelings that you _do_ know how to respond to.”

“I’m friends with Carter,” Eric reminded her stubbornly.  “I don’t antagonize _him_.”

“That’s because Carter takes what you give him and doesn’t ask for more.  He doesn’t demand anything of you.  Wes and Kai do.”  
  
“Wes is annoying,” Eric insisted, refusing to allow her to use his teammate as a point in her column.

“Wes is annoying because you can handle him being annoying,” she explained calmly, ignoring Eric’s growingly frustrated looks.  “You _can’t_ handle him being your friend.”  She frowned down at her notes, adding on a few more haphazard squiggles.  “It’s like you rewired your brain to accept negative attention in a positive light.”

“And next you’re going to say this has something to do with my mother,” Eric groused, running a distracted hand through his hair. 

Wouldn’t that just be the icing on the cake?

He should have known better than to bring it up, to even offer the tiniest of openings that could segue into that conversation but Eric had honesty, despite himself, thought better of her.

The doctor allowed him a thoughtful pause at the very least, before she asked, quietly, “And your mother is dead, correct?”

“…Yeah,” Eric allowed after another paused, eyes glancing off towards the window.  “She died when I was in high school.”

He could still remember how vibrantly proud she had been when he had managed to win those scholarships to that fancy private school.  He would have a real education, even a shot at college, something she and his dad had never gotten.

“Car crash,” he explained, not waiting for the inevitable prompt.  “She was dead on impact.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

It was a quiet offering, but legitimate.  Eric didn’t have to look at her to know it.

“Don’t be,” he replied, keeping his gaze on the window.  “Sometimes life’s shit, you get over it.”

He hadn’t, not really.  He still missed her every day, wondered how she would feel about him being a ranger, doing some real good in the world, but he often pushed those thoughts away.

The world was not kind to boys that missed their mothers.  Not after a certain point.

“And your father’s alive?” Quiet and careful, like she was handling fragile glass, the words molded around him.

Eric exhaled through his nose sharply, but other than that, gave no outward indications of his feelings.  “Still alive and kicking,” he muttered, trying to be casual.

She saw through it anyway, because she was a wizard like that.

“And how’s your relationship with your-?”

“It’s there, it exists,” he interrupted tersely, knowing he sounded defensive but unable to be anything else.  His father was a sore subject, it was better not to think about it.

Wisely, the doctor opted not to comment on this.

Instead she moved onto other aggravating things.

“When was the last time you spoke?”

“Christmas,” Eric answered, feeling his right eye begin to twitch.  He was, at the very least, reasonably sure it had been Christmas.  That was when he had intended to call.

“It was actually last Thanksgiving,” she informed him helpfully, choosing to ignore Eric’s bewildered stare.  “He was a pleasure to talk to on the phone.  Once I got him started,” she added, at Eric’s incredulous expression.  “Turns out, he was willing to do a lot to help his son.”

“So what’s your point?” Eric sneered, deciding to give up what little pretense that remained.  “That I’m ungrateful?  That I’m a bad son?”

News-flash lady, he _wasn’t_.  His father was distant and awkward and disappointed, permanently looking down on Eric for what he wanted to be, for aspiring for more than he could need on some fronts and not enough on others. He hadn’t even been proud when Eric had told him he was a ranger, hadn’t congratulated him or wished him luck.  His father had simply told Eric to try not to completely destroy his city like the other rangers had, before hanging up the phone.  That was all Eric got.

He didn’t like him, but Eric loved his father enough not to air their dirty laundry in front of some unqualified therapist playing at home-fixing, so he kept all that to himself.  It would be more appropriate for him to take the blame anyway.

“You should talk to your father, Eric,” the blonde said, quietly, gently, breaking him from his less-than-appealing thoughts.

“And say what?  That I’m broken?  That he needs to help _fix_ me?”

He could feel - he was not doing it consciously, but he could feel the wild expression on his face.  Whatever composure he had, what little there had been, was gone, and he had nothing but spitfire and resentment left to keep him going.

This had been a mistake.

He jumped to his feet, finding he was unable to stomach anymore of this mockery they called a therapy session, and moved towards the door.

He had better uses for his time.

“I never said you were broken, Eric.”

The words were spoken softly, but powerful enough to stop Eric in his tracks, his back still turned towards her, stubbornly looking away.

“It was implied.”

There was no way for him to keep the bitterness out of his tone when he said it, was too familiar with rejection to have anything but distaste for the very concept.  One would think he would be used to it by now.

He made his way towards the door again, determined, only to be halted once more, by that same quiet tone.

“You should talk to your father, Eric,” the doctor repeated, sounding too all-knowing for Eric’s tastes.  “And Wes.”

“Anything else you want from me?” he snapped, glancing to the side, giving her a glimpse of his profile.

“I don’t want anything from you, Eric,” she answered calmly, refusing to be provoked.  “Just know that I’m always here, if you need someone to talk to.”

Horrific violations of privacy aside, it was still intended as a kind offer, so Eric dug down deep and found that last speck of politeness that remained, managing a short nod before saying, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

It was over after that.  Eric was done and apparently…

This was not going to be as easy a fix as he had initially thought.

He was more broken than he had thought.

He would like to think he didn’t already know that.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Are we only friends because we enjoy annoying each other?”

Calling had been a necessary surrender of pride at this point; it was either call or be left alone with his thoughts, and those things were poison on a good day, let alone whatever this was.  Bad, probably.  A very bad day.

The answer was something along the line that Eric had been expecting, once the shock of his question wore off.

“ _Oh wow; I am- there is so much of me that is too sober for this conversation, you don’t even know-”_

Eric cut the voice off before his annoyance could be rekindled.  “I’m being serious, Taylor.”

“ _I know you are_ ,” the yellow ranger shot back, taking none of his would-be sass.  “ _Which is exactly why I’m panicking, because that means the thing_ -”

“What thing?” Eric interrupted with a frown.  There was a thing?

“ _The thing, you know, with Dana, that wasn’t a dream_ -”

“She called you?”  _Damn_ , he was gonna kill her.

“ _Pookums_ ,” Taylor scoffed, probably bringing it home with a toss of her hair.  “ _She called everyone.  Anyone she thought could help.  Dana’s good like that_.”

“That nosey bitc-”

“ _LALAlalalala-laaa_ ,” Taylor sang over him, blocking out his less than complementary nickname.  “ _I’m singing so I can drown out any unwise decisions on your part_.”

“The only ones who could tell her are you or me.”

“ _She has her ways, Eric,”_ Taylor warned.  “ _Dana knows all; you should have figured that out by now.”_

“Fine.” Eric was willing to admit that much so they could get on with this call.  “Can we move on?”

“ _Can we not?”_ Taylor asked, sounding hopeful.

“Taylor-”

“ _Look, I just- I figured we’d be having this talk when you got married or something_.”

“Who the hell told you I was getting married?”

With Eric’s luck and current taste, there was no way he was even close to being married, let alone…

He hadn’t considered it.  It was a thing, it existed, just…

He hadn’t thought about it.

“ _Then it’s probably better for all of us that you don’t know about Kai’s secret_ -”

She cut herself off with as suspicious whistle that did nothing to convey her ‘casualness”, and Eric frowned.

“What secret?”

“ _Oh nothing_ ,” Taylor replied, blithely.  “ _What was it you wanted to talk about?”_

“Annoyance.”

“ _That sounds reasonable_ ,” Taylor replied thoughtfully, eager to change to topic of conversation.

As though Eric would forget the words “ _Kai_ ” and “ _secret_ ” used in the same sentence, but that was something he would hound her about in due time.

“Damn straight it should,” Eric grumbled, running a hand across his face as he attempted to collect himself.  “Now answer the question.”

“ _Which-?”_

“The _first one_ ,” he continued, clarifying before the blonde on the other end of the line could distract him.  “Do we have an…” What was the damn word Dana had used?  “… _antagonistic_ relationship?”

“ _That statement, in itself, is rhetorical_.”

“Fantastic,” Eric grumbled, irritated the confirmation. 

“ _I mean, that’s a part of our charm_ ,” Taylor continued, a cocky lilt in her tone.  “ _That’s why we get along so well.  Or don’t, I suppose, in this case.”_

“Do me a favor,” Eric muttered, beginning to feel that familiar twitch in his eye.  “Don’t tell Dana about this.”

“ _You’re a little late for that boat sweetie.”_

Eric barely withheld a growl of frustration.  “ _Taylor-_ ”

“ _She called, Eric.  And generally Dana doesn’t screw around with these kinds of things.  Of course I told her._ ”

“She doesn’t need anymore ammunition Taylor; she seems set enough in her ways of how I should be thinking as it is!”

“ _Sooooo…we’re just going to focus on the ‘meddling business’ you feel is going on here, and not the fact that Dana is actually trying to help you_.”

“Taylor-”

“ _Not that I’m surprised by this tactic_ ,” the former Wild Force ranger continued lightly, sounding speculative.  “ _But I don’t feel like it’s helping your cause very much_.”

“I have no cause,” Eric muttered darkly, on principle, more than anything else.

“ _You have all of the causes,”_ Taylor countered.  “ _All of them; most horribly misguided.”_

Eric rolled his head to the side, futilely trying to ease some of the tension growing in his neck.  “So now _you’re_ going to tell me how I think?”

“ _Nope_ ,” Taylor replied.  “ _I’m just going to cut through the bullshit.  That’s sort of what we do for each other_.”

“I was unaware of that service,” Eric drawled sarcastically, eyes narrowing at some vague spot in the distance, imagining Taylor’s stupidly pleased smile.  “How rude of me to never return the favor.”

“ _No worries, with my perfection it was clearly unnecessary.”_

“Taylor,” Eric warned.

“ _Eric_ ,” the blonde countered, unheeding the threat.  “ _We could dance around the issue all day.  Normally, I would be all for avoiding these touchy-feely kind of heart-to-hearts, you know I would, but I think it’s time we actually got to the point.”_

As true as it probably was - not that Eric liked acknowledging this fact - it gave the Quantum ranger very little feelings of satisfaction on that subject.  He was, for the most part, conflicted, torn between ignoring what could hurt him and embracing the idea of change, to grow for the future, and it was very easily pissing him off.

It was why he had called Taylor instead of Wes – he had assumed there wouldn’t be much of a conversation here, that there wasn’t really anything to say except for a few gruff jokes, maybe some support and general complaining but Taylor, damn the yellow ranger, was actually stepping up and doing what a good friend – or at least, what Eric assumed good friends – did. 

He swallowed, allowing himself a moment to gather his bearings, grateful that Taylor had caught onto his need without so much as a snide comment, waiting for him to be ready.

He both hated and loved her for it.

“So what is it then?” Eric asked, trying to settle the uneasy feeling in his stomach, horribly aware of what the answer could be.  “What’s the point?”

She cut right to the heart of things, not wasting any time.  “ _You had a sucky childhood_.”

“That’s a lie.” That wasn’t a point Eric was going to let settle, as though allowing it to hang in the air would confirm it as true.  “I had what I needed, my parents provided for me.  I had food and shelter.  Sure, it wasn’t the cream of the crop like frickin’ Collins is used to, but it was there.”

“ _That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it_.” The edge in Taylor’s voice was right up there with his, matching Eric’s for intensity, refusing to back down.  “ _Notice on that list you didn’t mention love_?”

“Had plenty of that too,” Eric snarled, grip tightening around his phone until the edges dug into his palms.  “My mother was a saint.”

“ _And your father?”_ Taylor asked, a challenge, like she discovered some war-wound Eric had never let heal.

“He gave me what I needed,” Eric hissed, jaw clenched as he forced down any feelings he had of the man.  “He supported us.”

“ _But did he love you?”_ Taylor pressed, uncaring that Eric had gotten more than a lot of kids in his neighborhood had, more than he had any right to complain about.

“What does it matter?” Eric spat.  “I don’t need that shit to survive.”

“ _You don’t.”_ She acknowledged this but not so thoughtfully as to concede, to give into Eric’s point.  “ _But it does make it sort of hard to live, without it.”_

“What’s your goddamn point Taylor?” Eric asked, frustration ebbing at the corners of his mind; survival and living were the _same damn thing_ \- “What the hell are you getting at here?”

She sounded about as wrecked as he felt when she answered, tense and strung out through this trial.  “ _My point is probably whatever-the-hell Dana’s point was Eric, you’re just too stupidly stubborn to hear it.”_

At that Eric balked, remembering why he had called in the first place.  “Oh _yeah_ -”

“ _Shut up.”_ It was an order, a clear callback to Taylor’s military background.  “ _The point is, whether or not you like it, that you did what you had to in order to get by, growing up, and that meant that a few sacrifices were in order, and the very first of these was the need for any kind of emotional dependence.  People are shit, I get it, you’ll be hard pressed to find another person who gets that more than me, but the point Eric, the culmination of all this bullshit, is that what you did then to get where you are now doesn’t need to happen anymore.  And I know it’s hard-_ ”

Eric scoffed, but Taylor bulled through it, never one to put up with his skepticism.  “ _Don’t give me that shit Myers, I’m actually pretty new to the whole letting-people-in concept myself, so from one stubborn ass to another, let me do this, okay?”_

“Okay.” 

He didn’t need to say it, but it was Taylor, who was…if he’d had a sister, Eric thought, she probably would have been like her. 

Sometimes, when Eric was feeling reckless, he considered the yellow ranger family anyway.  Just, when he felt like throwing caution to the wind.

“ _Okay_ ,” Taylor repeated, gathering herself.  “ _Alright, good.  So just…just know that you’re not in that place anymore, okay Myers?  You don’t have to do that with us, with the rest of the world.  We’re not going to hurt you._ ”

But he could, and this was very true, easily hurt them- so easily- and it was so much simpler to not bother with hoping, to not wait and wish desperately for things to go well, to be prepared for acceptance and love when all you were due for was apathy at best. 

Was hate.

Eric couldn’t stand the idea of putting himself out there only for Kai to realize how goddamn lacking he was as a human being.

“ _Myers_ ,” Taylor began again, warning in her voice as though she knew where his thoughts were going.  “ _Don’t give me any crap now, I know it’s hard_.”

“I’m not-”

“ _You are_ ,” she argued, not even knowing what he was going to say.  “ _Underneath that attitude is a good guy, Eric, and if you think Kai doesn’t know that, you have far less faith in that intellect you praise on a regular basis than you say you do.”_

“Taylor-”

_I’m not good enough for him_.

“ _Bullshit_ ,” the yellow ranger declared, dissecting the meaning of that one word and throwing it aside.  “ _Respect Kai’s judgment Eric, and stop being such an asshole.”_

“I’ll…” It made sense, the lot of it, and if there was a person to trust, in this instance, Eric thought he could trust Taylor.  “I’ll work on it,” he agreed, eventually.  “But I make no promises.”

“ _Good_.” There was a smile in her voice when she said it, back to the cocky days of yore when the blonde was all smarm and flippancy.  “ _Save a little of that dumbass for me, all right?  I don’t think I can take another one of these no-nonsense sit downs_.”

“I’ll try.”  He would, if slowly, if it would take some time.  “And Taylor?”

“ _Yeah, hotshot?”_

It was the fondness, the familiarity of her response that ultimately gave Eric the courage, figuring if he was going to start changing, if he was going to give this a chance, he might as well start now.

“I love you, blondie.”

There was a laugh, a joyful, non-contemptuous laugh, before she ultimately responded.  “ _I love you too, you big lug.  Now go woo Kai.”_

And speaking of…

“What’s the secret?” Eric asked, fully aware that the other ranger would most likely withhold the answer.  “Kai’s secret?”

“ _You’ll know it when you see it_ ,” the blonde replied, voice smug and unyielding.  “ _You can give me a call then.”_

“Taylor-” the Quantum ranger began to warn, familiar growl beginning in his throat.

“ _And not until then_!” the blonde sang.  “ _Catch you later, Tiger.”_

The line was dead before he could get in a word edgewise, the call ending with another ring of laughter and as annoying as it was…

Eric couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just _maybe_ , there could be hope for him left. 

He just… had to try. 

It was a leap of faith, terrifying in its own right, but Eric had avoided it for too long, had lived like this for too long.  It was time.

He would leap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time :)


	3. The List

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much thanks to the real vampire for beta-ing this chapter! If you want to try dabbling in another season of power rangers, vamps has a great Ninja Storm romance called 'My Brother's Keeper'. You should check it out :D

“I feel like this is a conversation we shouldn’t even be having,” Eric griped into his phone, glaring down at the empty notebook in front of him.

“ _Um… well, that’s a weird way of saying hello.”_

Eric forced back the almost automatic response of _“Bite me, Leo”_ and went back to glaring at the pile of crumpled paper balls scattered around the general vicinity of his trashcan. 

He should have called one of the other ones, like that Maya chick – or Kendrix; Kai liked her – but unfortunately Leo’s was the only number Eric had for the Lost Galaxy team.

The cruelty of this happenstance was not lost on Eric.

“ _So_ ,” Leo brightened, recovering from his confusion with his usual (stupid) cheer.  “ _You and Kai had a_ -”

Eric talked over him in an attempt to quell the nagging flare of annoyance that everyone and their moms seemed interested in his personal business.

“It’s not that I want to talk to you, because you’re awful-”

Leo had the audacity to laugh at this.  “ _Sing it to me sweet, you big lug_.”

“-but my hands are tied.” Eric continued as though he hadn’t heard him.  “And for some odd reason, Kai finds you endearing, so we are going to have a chat.”

“ _First of all…”_ There was a grin in his voice when Leo responded.  “ _Might I say, you using the word ‘chat’ has already made this entirely worth it, so by all means, fire away_.”

“Great,” Eric grumbled, rubbing a weary hand across his face.

“- _And_ _second of all_.” Leo was relishing this, he truly was.  “ _In reference to my previous statement, I think this conversation is going_ _swimmingly_.”

“Peachy,” Eric drawled.

“ _Grand!_ ” Leo replied, not to be outdone.

Eric decided he had better cut to the chase before they ended up just listing adjectives for the next two hours.

…there was a chance they might have done this before.

What could he say; Eric was a stubborn sucker for punishment and Leo was an asshole.  They probably wouldn’t have stopped if Taylor hadn’t butted in and proclaimed them _“the two biggest morons this side of California,”_ whereupon Eric had argued that were anyone to be nominated for such honors from Time Force, it would definitely be Wes, and not him.  Then he had to deal with the injured puppy eyes for the rest of the night until Carter made him apologize.

Thinking on it, there might have been some signs to a possible relationship before now.

Eric pointedly did not dwell on this.

“So despite what I assume is Kai’s better judgment, you two are friends-”

“ _Or so the tune goes_.”

Eric’s hand twitched but he did not, for the record, snap his pen in two, so there was something.  Leo only threw out his nonsensical turn of phrases because he knew it pissed Eric off, which was either flattering or a show of true dedication since Kai said the red ranger hadn’t picked up that habit until he had met Eric.

Or, more appropriately, creepy.

Eric persevered.

“As his friend, I was hoping you would help me brainstorm some ideas to-”

“ _Make your boyfriend forget what a raging dick you are?_ ”

“Sure,” Eric replied, his jaw clenched.  “Let’s go with _that_.”

“ _You are hating this so much right now.”_   From Leo, it was practically a purr.  “ _But I’m glad he finally put his foot down._ ”

_Do not engage- do not engage- do not-_

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” Eric snapped, ignoring the pitiful mantra at the idea of _Leo_ getting all uppity on him.

“ _You’re kind of an ass, Eric,”_ Leo replied brightly.  “ _And while Kai- for reason’s unknown- finds this attractive, there is a certain point, for some people, where you have to treat your boyfriend-_ ”

“Leo…” Eric warned, eyes narrowing as he envisioned the other ranger’s tempting neck.

“ _Your_ _boyfriend_ ,” Leo continued obliviously, somehow more obnoxious than before.  “ _The boyfriend who, for the record, you won’t even refer to as your boyfriend_.”

The pen which had been successfully whole two minutes ago was in pieces on Eric’s kitchen table, blue ink exploding across the worn wood and staining his notebook.  Like the last three instances, Eric ignored it and shoved the fractured pieces of plastic aside to join its fallen brethren in a graveyard of writing utensils, and reached for another one.

In the meantime, Leo kept talking, because Leo had a death wish.

“ _You’re a horrible person,”_ Leo decided emphatically, and Eric could just picture the brunette nodding sagely, very pleased with himself.  “ _Dana has her work cut out for her_.”

“Who the-?”  Eric cut off with a snarl, shattering his newly acquired pen before it even had a chance to fulfil its functions.  “How the hell do _you_ know about that?”

“ _I think you’re not understanding the ‘everybody’ part of ‘Dana called_ -’”

“She contacted _you_?”

Wes, Eric could at least understand; they were on the same team, worked together and were thereby expected to at least pretend to be friends by association.  Wes made sense.

“ _Don’t be ridiculous,”_ Leo chided.  “ _Taylor called me_.”

“I will end her,” Eric promised quietly.  The muted feelings of betrayal were stifled under the bitter knowledge that he should have known better than to trust her.

“ _Don’t be like that, Pooky_ ,” Leo replied, sounding annoyed.  “ _She refused to give any juicy details; it was just a general update_.”

“Whatever.” Eric kept his tone gruff to cover the sudden influx of relief, almost chastising himself for thinking so lowly of his friend before he remembered this was an exception and not the rule, and adequately rebuilt his walls.

He knew, distantly, that these kinds of thoughts were indicative of the very core of his problems, but Eric had operated by them for so long it was difficult- maybe even impossible, to let go of them.

Leo, as though knowing this, laughed again.  “ _Paranoid_.”

“Spazz.”

“ _Jerk_.”

“Cretin.”

“ _Cretin_?” Leo was obviously thrown for a loop by that one, repeating the word as though to better understand its connection to him.

Eric smiled, rubbing an ink-covered finger across the table.

“Cre-tin.”

“ _Now that was just hurtful_.” If he sounded more delighted than the aforementioned ‘hurt’, Eric wisely kept his mouth shut.  There was no need to draw this out any longer than he needed to.

“Enough small talk,” Eric grumbled, flipping to a semi-clean page and setting his new pen beside it, this one green.  “I didn’t call for pleasantries.”

“ _Of course not,”_ Leo agreed cheerfully, unphased by all negative implications.  “ _You called for something much better_.”

“On second thought,” Eric began, gritting his teeth.  “Why don’t you just give me Kendrix’s number?  Or that Damon guy.  Or anyone who isn’t _you_.”

“ _No, no,”_ Leo sang, drawing out the vowel in a torturous fashion.  “ _You called me.  We are in this ‘till the end of the line my darling.  Now go ahead and ask your cousin Leo for some advice._ ”

“I wouldn’t call it advice,” Eric grumbled, mentally swapping the word ‘cousin’ with ‘asshole’.

“ _Pookums, you are calling to gather intel on how to make your way back into Kai’s good graces via the best date ever.  That is the very definition of advice.”_

Before Eric could think of a sarcastic reply, Leo was still going.  “ _And I’m willing to bet just about anything that the reason you are not going at this alone, in standard Eric fashion, is because Kai sent you the epitome of passive-aggressive emails that just happened to mention that this was the kind of thing normal couples did_.”

Which was, in itself, a completely accurate deduction.  It didn’t make Eric resent Leo any less for it.

The email had been a surprise after the steady two-week stream of no communication, and Eric may have read it and re-read it more times than was necessary to understand its contents just to have a feel of _Kai_ again.

But that was a part of himself Leo wasn’t entitled to, so Eric plastered on a knowing smirk and chuckled, “Been on the receiving end of these often, Leo?”

There was a sweet pause before the other ranger eventually muttered, _“…shut up.”_

_That’s what I thought_.

“ _So, you want to woo a Kai_?” Leo bounced back with enough vivacity that implied his earlier shyness had been a ruse.

Eric scowled.  “I _have_ wooed-”

“ _I’m going to go ahead and cut you off with a ‘No, you haven’t’ and if you really want you can start listing all the things your poor, confused brain thinks qualifies as wooing that don’t really qualify as wooing.  Like, at all.”_

Eric felt his jaw clench, and in his hand the newest pen gave a pitiful creak of warning.  “Then _enlighten_ me.”

“ _Why_ ,” Leo began, sounding sarcastic and satisfied and all things Leo that made him awful.  “ _I’d be only too happy to_.”

“Great.”

“ _Splendid_.”

_“_ Leo.”

“ _And now we’ll get to the good stuff_.” He was entertained, but even Leo could register that Eric was near his limit of stuff he was willing to deal with.  “ _I’m going to have to recommend mixing in some of the old classics, but altered so they are specific to Kai.  He would appreciate the demonstration_.”

“Such as…?” Eric raised his eyebrows, trying to follow what Leo was getting at.

“ _Dinner and a movie, Kai style!  Chocolates and flowers, Kai style!”_

“Punching you in the face.”

“ _Kai style!_ ” Leo continued, unmoved.  “ _So long as there is an element of what could be considered a romantic cliché mixed with an element of things-Kai-likes, you literally cannot go wrong.  I mean, literally; it would be a challenge for you to mess this up.”_

His tone implied he thought Eric was more than capable of doing that anyway, but in the interest of saving time (and pens), Eric moved on.

“So what I’m getting here is…”

“ _Kai makes you dinner all the time, now you can get off your lazy ass and return the favor,”_ Leo concluded, sounding chipper.

Eric considered it a sign of personal growth that he didn’t automatically inform Leo – because Leo knew very well – that Kai was very particular about the status of his domain (i.e., the kitchen) and had quickly grown out of the phase of humoring Eric’s attempts at cooking a long time ago.  He said the Quantum ranger was too inefficient.

While biased, Eric thought he was decent enough at it, having to learn enough to get by after his mother had passed, but those opinions had been stifled under the oppression of Kai’s stare.

There was a chance Eric had felt bad about it in the beginning, guilty for not pulling his own weight, but it became clear fairly quickly that Kai was in his element when he was cooking.  It was a perfected science he enjoyed, a kind of order that was entirely dependent on his whims, and he reveled in it.

The day Eric discovered it would have been more of a crime to deprive the other ranger of this task than an offering of decency had been an odd one, but it ignited a small kind of warmth in his chest nonetheless.  This, he could give Kai.  This was something he would surrender to see that small, but distinctly present smile of satisfaction on his face.

So Eric didn’t rise to the bait.  It wasn’t necessary.

“ _And should I rent one of those foreign movies, to avoid the crowds_?”

It was a well-known fact that Kai preferred all movies imported from China.  Any movie, it didn’t matter what kind.  Eric suspected it was because he got a taste of his homeland, of the language he had grown up surrounded by.  Whatever the reason, those were always Kai’s preferred form of cinematic entertainment.

If Eric had begun making a dedicated effort of picking up the language himself – or _languages_ , because his stupid boy- because _Kai_ was a damn genius, then that was clearly an attempt to be practical.  Clearly.

Leo considered this a moment, actually took time to ponder this, proving that despite his usual tendencies to be a pain in the ass to Eric, he was actually decent where Kai was concerned.  Eventually, he said, “ _Maybe try looking for one of those specialty, less-used theaters.  Avoiding people altogether would be preferable, but in this instance I think he would appreciate the authenticity for going to a real theater.  To properly reenact the stereotype_.”

“For a date,” Eric drawled, trying to keep the exasperation out of his tone.

Why Kai was aiming for these ideas of what he pictured dates to be, as opposed to actually letting Eric plan something he would enjoy, he would never know.  A stubborn part of him noted it was perhaps because of the sheltered childhood Kai rarely talked about.  Another part of him figured it was because Kai suspected it would be all Eric could manage to wrap his brain around, unable to provide a decent evening without following established guidelines, perhaps a test on its own.  Realistically, it was the latter option. 

Ultimately, it was irrelevant.  If Kai wanted this, Kai would get this, and Eric sure as hell wasn’t going to screw up something someone else had pretty much spelled out for him.

Eric might not be that bright, but he wasn’t an _idiot_.

“ _Exactly_.”

Dismissing the over-enthusiastic tone, Eric moved on to the next point Leo had raised.  “And how exactly can one do flowers, _‘Kai style’_?  There is no way in hell he would view that as anything less than a waste of money, greenery, and space.”

“ _You could get him a cactus_ ,” Leo suggested, sounding thoughtful.  Or demonic.  Probably both.  “ _Or maybe a bonsai.”_

“That’s racist,” Eric grumbled, trying to remember where, exactly bonsais originated from.  Was it Japan?

“ _Then get him the damn cactus_.” Despite the curse, Leo’s cheer remained undeterred.  “ _Just, make sure that potted greenery of some kind is available, with the chocolates_.”

“Of course.”

“ _You should probably make those too_ ,” Leo added, ‘helpfully’.

“You’re the _best_ Leo.” Eric was generous with the sarcasm in order to avoid _agreeing_ again.

Somehow knowing this, Leo replied, _“Of course!”_ because Eric was kind of dumb sometimes and set himself up for his own punishments.

In a way, he thought it kept his ego in check.

It was one of the reasons he hadn’t approached this conversation with the new ‘leap of faith’ mindset he had been working on with Taylor.  There needed to be _someone_ out there who kept Eric in check.  It might as well be Leo.

Leo, who was still blathering on, assuming he had Eric’s undivided attention.  “ _After that, just follow up with the basics.  Give him random gifts, hold his hand on a walk through the park, take him on a picnic, go bowling_ -”

“Bowling?” Eric asked incredulously, familiar feeling of disgust weighing on his shoulders.  “Why the hell would we go bowling?”

“ _Eric_ ,” Leo began, almost sadly, like the Quantum ranger was a pitifully ignorant excuse of a human being for even having to ask.  “ _If you have seen it in a romantic comedy, I guarantee you Kai will want it to happen.  Even if he hates it._ ”

“That makes no sense,” Eric decided, very understandably.

“ _It’s the principle,”_ Leo insisted.  “ _Besides, you knew he had quirks when you picked him_.”

If by ‘quirks’, Leo meant those facets of Kai that Eric had found immediately fascinating and through some form of measure had come to completely adore, then yes, Eric knew that.  Appreciated it, even.  They weren’t normal people, but Eric, he never would have wanted that- would loath to see a world where Kai had compromised his ticks in an effort to blend into the status quo.  Eric liked the way he was hyper-attentive to organization, he liked the way Kai’s perception of the human race on the whole seemed to be more theoretical than practical, he liked the way the man spoke, he liked how fiercely determined he could become, he liked the astonishing intensity of his sheer brilliance, and marveled still to this day that he had settled on Eric, as though he could somehow warrant this.

But liking someone’s quirks, and going bowling for said quirks, were two completely different realms of action.

Eric would take Kai go-karting or something.  There were other options.

With a weary sigh, Eric took his final pen, the lone survivor, and began scribbling down Leo’s suggestions.  “So I should just google ‘rom-com scenarios’ and I’ll pretty much be set.”

_“I told you,”_ Leo replied, taunting and cheerful.  “ _Even you couldn’t mess this up.”_

“Of course,” Eric said, frowning down at his smudged paper.

_Of course_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time :)


	4. The Trials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bounty of thanks to the real vampire for beta-ing this work! Words would be misspelled left and right without vamps’ intervening efforts. If you need another dose of power ranger angst, check out 'My Brother's Keeper' by the real vampire. It is quite good!

Eric started off basic enough.  Way he figured it; he would have to take baby steps if he wanted to build up to the big stuff that would actually get him in Kai’s good graces again.  A proper wooing, he had demanded.  And a proper wooing he would get.

The first opportunity landed so very neatly into Eric’s hands he couldn’t have ignored it if he wanted to, not after the hours of frustration and brainstorming up the perfect adaptions of dating-cliches- _Kai-style_.

Granted, it was undoubtedly the best approach he could take to this situation (loathed though he was to admit Leo was right), but as Eric wasn’t the most romantically-inclined individual in the first place, it made inventing acceptable alternatives a bit more… trying, you could say.

Alright, so his idea of a good night involved food picked up from that hole in the wall barbeque place that had the best damn brisket in town and cuddles on the couch neither one of them verbally addressed- crappy movies and great company – but Eric was kind of uncultured heathen like that.  He had simple needs.

Kai - he did too, and they devolved into an even more basic set of necessities.  The need to feel safe, the desire for welcoming company.  Simple, easy things Eric could actually offer.  It was one of the reasons they had gotten along so well.

It was also one of the reasons Eric had gotten away with acting like a grade A jackass for so long, but that was neither here nor there when it came to the current situation.

The _point_ was, in all that nonsense, that inspiration came with a stroke of thunder, loud and menacing in the ugly brown-grey clouds overtaking the skies like an incoming army.

It was so very simple, even Eric could get this one.

What could be more romantic than an innocent walk through the park?  It didn’t require any kind of decorum; it didn’t imply anything much greater than what two really good friends would do.  A walk and talk – easy, charming – and, if he read that angry sky right, doomed to be interrupted by a torrent of rain at least halfway through.

That was a romance-thing, right?  Running through the rain, or dancing or something?  Whatever, he knew there had to be some kind of goldmine in here, the only prep that was really necessary were a few arm blankets, a spare change of clothes, and all the ingredients to make the best cup of cocoa a Silver Guardian’s salary could buy.

The only thing left was to call Kai and cordially – or romantically – or whatever-ly, ask for the pleasure of his company.

And that was the exact point where Eric ran into his problem.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Meet me in the park at-”

“ _No.”_

“Ten- what?”

“ _No,_ ” Kai’s voice repeated through the phone. Eric took a moment, urging himself not to stare at his cell disbelievingly, recognizing the futility of the action in regards to helping him hear better.

Floundering, he wasn’t sure how he should articulate a response.  If Kai needed him to speak at that moment, or if it would exacerbate things.

In a moment of generosity (or maybe hopelessness, that Eric could possible discover the answer on his own), Kai continued with a simple statement. “ _Ask me_.”

“I-”

Had.  Except he hadn’t, really. Maybe not technically, but could Kai really hold back on a little detail?

“ _Try again tomorrow_ ,” Kai informed him tersely, cutting off the call before Eric could manage any kind of objection.

So there went plan A.

Okay, no biggie.  Eric could learn from this.  He was a tactician; he hadn’t gotten where he was today by being stupid, contrary to popular belief.

Wes was still kinda peeved that Eric had snatched up the Quantum morpher without really knowing what it would do, but opportunities were few and far between for men of Eric’s caliber, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that the only reason he was a Power Ranger was because he had fought for it.  Lord knew no one would have ever picked him for the job.

Things could only improve from here. 

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _Eric-_ ”

“It’s fine, Taylor,” Eric hissed, throwing the untouched food out of the picnic basket and onto the counter.  “I’m just a little rusty, is all.”

Taylor sounded more amused than judgmental when she replied, “ _A little rusty, Hotshot_?”

“Shut up,” Eric grumbled before closing the line.

It was just a little.  They would be fine next time, they’ll see.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The next time wasn’t quite as spontaneous, but Eric didn’t let the lack of natural inspiration deter him.  It was his own fault for screwing up last time.  This time, he would get it right.  This time, he would ask.

“Kai,” he started, this time beginning with as close to a greeting as he ever gave.  “Would you like to come over to my- I mean, our- I mean-” Eric cut himself off with a swallow before he could screw things up worse. 

He should have thought this out; it hadn’t seemed too hard until the heat of the moment struck, and he wasn’t sure if it was worse to imply Kai had never lived here or if it would be presumptuous to state the place as theirs, when Kai wasn’t a guaranteed thing anymore.

“Dinner,” he managed, finally.  “Would you like to come over for dinner?”

There, that was safe.

“I’ll think about it.”

Before Eric could protest, could blab about how he had gotten the ingredients for what he was pretty sure was Kai’s favorite meal (Kai didn’t do favorites that often, said it was irrelevant, and the only real thing  Eric could peg him on was his favorite color, which seemed unfairly easy), Kai continued.

“People like flowers,” he said innocently. 

And then he hung up.

Oh.  Right.

What could be more cliché than flowers?

Eric almost kicked himself for not thinking of it sooner.

 -:-:-:-:-:-

“ _Hey, are you doing okay Eric?”_

“I’m great, Wes.”

“ _Because– I’m completely serious here – I can give you some pointers-_ ”

“I’m _great_ , Wes,” Eric repeated.

He didn’t throw his phone, but it was a near thing.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The third time better be the goddamn charm, because were Eric a guy with low self-esteem, it would have broken him.  As it was, he was more miffed than anything else, but he reminded himself that he liked challenges, no matter what Carter’s doctor had said.  Not challenges like Wes – the blond was an unnecessary nuisance, if anything – but proving himself? 

Yeah, Eric had done that every day of his life, go figure that some proof of worth was required on the romance-front.  He had probably been due.

He came prepared this time, meeting Kai in the neutral territory of his office at Bio Labs.  Like Carter, Kai had initially been stationed in Silver Hills as the GSA Liaison; so like the red Lightspeed ranger, Kai had his own private office not far from the Silver Guardian Command offices, leaving Eric but a ten foot walk to meet his estranged boyfriend.

Yeah, see, that was progress.  They were boyfriends, Eric had decided.

He’d decided, and it hadn’t been the end of the world. 

Eric had opted to go for something casual, something low-key that Kai could appreciate while still putting in some obvious effort.  He waited until the hallways were clear before he made the trek to Kai’s office, one arm carefully cradling a blue potted plant against his side. 

He’d even added a bow to it, figuring Kai would find it as hilarious as he did.  A bow, on an aloe vera plant.  Pure comedy.

He presented it with casual aplomb, placing it on a clear space on Kai’s carefully organized desk. 

“For you,” he explained. 

See, it was a plant, but it was useful, functional.  It could have a purpose, but still showed Eric cared. 

How was that for ‘Kai-style’?

Kai looked up from his computer, gazing around his monitor with a slight furrow in his brows.  “You should knock before entering,” he said quietly.

Oh, right – Eric hadn’t- He had been so used to walking in (celebrated that he could do so privately, that he was allowed this- but maybe he had just pushed that assumption on Kai without ever asking) that he hadn’t thought about it.  

Why was this becoming so hard?

“But thank you.”

At some point, Eric had looked away, and when he fixed his gaze back on Kai, the blue ranger had gathered the aloe vera plant to him, one finger delicately tracing the bumped edges of the leaves. 

His eyes met Eric’s.  “Thank you,” he repeated.

Lost, Eric found himself muttering, “No problem.” – Instead of ‘you’re welcome’, like a normal person.  He was welcome, welcome to anything he wanted, anything he needed, but-

But maybe that wasn’t Eric.

The thought left an awful taste in his mouth, Eric’s stomach feeling as though it were full of lead, heavy and immovable and stubborn.

Despite whatever Taylor had said, maybe it wasn’t Eric.

Instead of asking him out to lunch, Eric found himself beating a hasty retreat, careful to close the door quietly behind him like a considerate human being, and not thinking about Kai’s inquisitive stare, or his gentle approach when handling his new plant.

It was probably better to quit while he was ahead. 

Before he could make it to the safety of his own office, Wes caught him in transit, bumping shoulders with Eric in a way he considered playful, that Eric would normally be all over tearing him apart for.

“Hey,” the blond said, grin a perpetual fixture on his face. “You taking Kai to lunch?”

“Not today.” Eric managed to sound more collected than he could hope to feel at the moment, his survival instincts kicking in before he could do something stupid, like offer up a weakness for the other ranger to exploit. “Baby steps.”

He said it like it was some kind of excuse.

“Right,” Wes agreed with the same confident understanding befitting of someone who had been handed a lot of things in life.  “Hey, he’ll get there.”

Eric swallowed.  “That’s the plan.”

“Did he like your plant?” Wes asked, grin mischievous and knowing, despite the fact that Eric had kept the thing hidden in his office all day, and had exercised even more caution getting it stealthily into the building.

Clearly, he wanted Eric to ask how he knew.

The Quantum ranger didn’t have it in him to follow their usual formula of belligerence and quiet teasing.

“Yep,” Eric replied. 

He shut himself into his office before Wes could continue, dismissing the look on the blond’s face as pleased – not startled, or concerned, or–

Baby steps.  Eric was allowed that.  This was all part of the plan.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _I know this may present some difficulties_ -”

“Thanks for your concern, Carter.  Really, I appreciate it, but I’ve got this.”

Eric ended the call before Carter could call him out on the greatest lie he had ever told.  He didn’t deserve Carter’s delicate handling – he didn’t want it either.

He would get this. 

He just needed some time.

-:-:-:-:-:-

He took Kai to the movies.  Asked him like a real adult, picked him up, offering a bouquet of origami flowers that Eric had lost three hours and earned six papercuts for, when he met him at the door. He bought his ticket, opened every door for him, offered his coat when it got just a few degrees colder, even though neither one of them was much affected by minor temperature changes thanks to their morphers.

There was the standard movie fair: popcorn, soda, candy – even in the independent theater, and Eric didn’t complain about the subtitles of the period piece he and Leo had carefully picked out, didn’t make any snarky comments about costumes or the fighting styles or laugh at the cheesy stunt work.

It should have been perfect.  So, as though by necessity, it wasn’t.

The trouble came with, well, Eric himself.  He didn’t know what to do with his hands- if he was allowed to hold Kai’s hand, could he wrap an arm around his shoulder, pull him close?  Were the privileges that Eric previously have allowed, or would he be pushing his own desires onto Kai.  Should he ask?  Was there a way he could do that without being a joke?  Without admitting, ‘ _Hey world, I can’t function as an independent adult.  Mock me!’_.

Despite his lack of criticism, complains, or snark, Eric managed to ruin the date with his fidgeting, Kai casting him irritated glances throughout the whole evening.

Maybe Kai thought he did it on purpose, a silent protest to the ordeal.  Eric wasn’t sure.

Wasn’t sure how this was going to keep going.

-:-:-:-:-:-

The fourth date was only slightly-less of a disaster, and while they did come out of it holding hands at least _once_ , the arguments still rang fresh in Eric’s mind and the presents – too stupid for him to consider giving – remained firmly hidden at the bottom of his hall closet.

It was easy right?  Once upon a time, Eric had been able to have conversations without the debilitating fear of saying something stupid, of fumbling for what to do with his hands, of just not knowing what to do or say that would communicate to Kai just how wonderful he was.  There were never the right words.  It was like Eric didn’t even know him anymore.

The thoughts of not good enough, never good enough, not good enough had been absent for a long time, but Eric wasn’t surprised when they made their dramatic return.

It wasn’t like they were strangers.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _What the hell are you doing?”_

“I’m-”

“ _Are you trying to make him cry?”_

“Of course not.”

_“I’m not buying it.”_

“That’s great,” Eric snarled.  “Since I give about zero shits as to what you care about, Leo.”

“ _Tough guy_ ,” Leo hissed, done with being playful, now straight onto murderous.  “ _I will fly my ass down there and end you if you keep messing this up_.”

“Great!” Eric disconnected the call with a flick of his finger, throwing the phone across the room before he could give into the temptation and tell Leo he might as well get a head start.

There was no use fighting the inevitable, after all.

-:-:-:-:-:-

He could do this.  He could do this.  He could sit through dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too classy or too casual. He could exchange small talk despite Kai’s abhorrence of it; he could converse without second guessing himself, without losing what to say, without ruining it.

Kai asked for the check when their entrees were delivered, and neither of them said anything when he picked up the tab.

Eric couldn’t do this.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _Eric, what’s going on?”_

“I’m fine Taylor,” the Quantum ranger grumbled, regardless of the fact he was so very far from ‘fine’.

She laughed like she already knew this, and despite the days of similar derision, it still stung.  “ _Pooh-bear, you are so very no_ t-”

“Stop calling me that,” Eric snarled, glaring at the phone as though the blonde could somehow feel his displeasure if he just tried hard enough.

There was a pause- she had probably hung up, great Meyers – and then more sighing.  “ _Eric…_ ”

“I’m fine Taylor,” he repeated, even though what little control he had was disappearing from his grasp like nothing, taunting him as it danced just out of reach.  “I’m fine.”

He had to keep saying it or he’d have no shot of it being real.  Even if he didn’t believe it.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“ _Stop trying.  Please, just stop trying_.”

“Screw you, Leo,” Eric snarled.  He was fine, they were fine, what did it matter that Eric couldn’t even be in the same room as Kai for more than five minutes without making an ass of himself?

“ _You’re hurting him,”_ Leo snapped right back, fiery temper indicative of his elemental connection.  “ _Just cut your losses and move on.”_

“We’re fine,” Eric insisted.  Maybe if he said it to other people it would be real.  Maybe if he told Kai he loved him, maybe the blue ranger would understand Eric’s sudden clumsiness, his awkward approaches, his failures.  Or maybe it would just doom him to a life of accepting mediocre, and if there was anything Eric could not do for Kai, on top of planning him a proper date, apparently, was force him to accept less than he deserved.

“ _You were fine_ ,” Leo corrected, always quick with the reply.  “ _Now you’re just a mess.  Let him go_.”

He hung up without waiting for a reply, ultimatum spoken. 

Eric wished he hadn’t said the very things he had been thinking, but he had never been that lucky.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Here was the thing, Eric wasn’t a stupid guy.  Or- not the stupidest, when compared to the general population as a whole.  He liked to think he was at a point somewhere just above average, where his skills and input had just the slightest bit more meaning to them than was to be expected of him.  He liked to think it, but knew with the same kind of awareness that came from relying on self-criticism that it probably wasn’t the case.  When it came down to it, Eric wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

But he noticed some things.

He knew, even if he didn’t exactly like to address it, that he was in love with Kai.  To whatever extent his brain could manage, he loved Kai.  Eric wasn’t exactly a master on feelings in general, but this feeling, in specific, was one that eluded most of the human race, so he didn’t actually feel all that bad that it took him a while to figure out what it was.

But he thought, if he hadn’t warped it too much – as he was wont to do – that what he felt for Kai was at least a close emulation to that emotion everyone in the world seemed to want a piece of.

It was convoluted and frustrating, but it came down to a few certain points.

Eric was terrified, to a degree that even he could admit to, that Kai might actually be done with him for good.  In the beginning, when he still hadn’t considered it, when Kai’s presence was a delighted guarantee, this had been mildly disconcerting.  He had pondered the logistics of it, who would keep what, would he downsize to a smaller apartment, would Kai go back to Miranoi, could he talk Carter into being his emergency contact again?  Stuff like that, the practical things.  Breaking up was a possibility he always had to consider, so he had mentally prepared for it accordingly, outlining plans should he fail, should this be permanent, should it go sideways. 

He hadn’t really considered how his feelings would come into play.  Those were generally the least important thing when it came down to it, really.  Feelings were a luxury. 

Somewhere down that train of thought, it was startling to realize that Kai, too, was a luxury.  His presence, a gift.

They weren’t… they really weren’t the best people.  Neither of them were all that great with social cues (though Kai could at least fake it; Eric wouldn’t even put up the pretense), and relied upon everyone else’s patience and understanding when they tried to handle things because of the screwy way they had adjusted themselves to the world.  They had fights over dumb things, coping mechanisms that would drive an average individual to tears, and had very particular and outlandish ideas on what, exactly, qualified as fun.

But they weren’t together because they were broken.  It wasn’t a process of elimination, taking the scraps at the bottom of the barrel and making do.  Eric trusted Kai.  And what was more, at the end of the day, he wanted the blue ranger to be there, with him, watching bad movies or running crazy science projects Eric didn’t even try to understand or obsessively stacking the dishwasher so it could run at its most efficient.  Eric wanted to tell Kai things, and trusted the other man to listen without judgment, to support him if it was warranted and set him straight when it wasn’t.  He trusted Kai to be able to make that call and he was willing, god was Eric willing, to change himself appropriately, if the other man ever asked him for it.  He could do that for Kai.  He loved Kai.

But love was a remarkably particular and damaged thing.  It was flawed, from the beginning.  Because love was so strong, so needy, and so damn dependent on something that was completely out of your control.  Eric would know, he had tried, with the same ferocity to which he had attacked most everything in life, he had tried to reign in his love.  He had tried to stop loving his father, but that obligation could not be reasoned or curtailed and he had tried to dampen his love for his mother just so he could move, could breathe easier and when those two tasks failed in the spectacular way they were always bound to fail, Eric tried to reign in his feelings so he wouldn’t have to deal with yet another person having that much control over him.  Of having someone whose approval he needed as badly as he needed air, because they wouldn’t give it to him, or they would leave and Eric would be gasping, clutching his chest and empty because something had clawed at his insides and ripped away all the important parts.

Eric didn’t do love.

Despite this, he loved Kai.

In his flawed, broken way, he loved Kai.

And that in itself was enough to make Eric want to stop fighting, was overwhelmingly immense enough that he wanted to let Kai go, then and there, to pick someone better.  To love someone who could actually comprehend and reciprocate his feelings without taking weeks to identify them, without trying to control them like they controlled every aspect of their life.  You couldn’t micromanage love.

But Kai was a genius.  Sure, he wasn’t a genius with people, but he was pretty damn sharp and even if that intellect somewhat detracted from his social grace, he could read people well enough.  He could understand and interact and recognize signals to respond to them, well enough.

And if he had chosen Eric, of all the individuals he could have picked, as worthy of his affections, of his love, then who was Eric to doubt that decision?  Eric might be an ass, but if he made a decision in Kai’s stead, bowed out for the other ranger’s ‘own good’, then he would steal the title of ‘epitome of pompous asshole-nish’ from Leo without question.  He couldn’t choose for Kai, even if he thought it was for the best.

It wasn’t his call.

He had to fight, and if he failed it was on his own merits, and not because he had gone in deciding he was already through.  Deciding this was too intense for him, too much, that he wasn’t worth it.

That was Kai’s choice.

Eric wished he could make this attitude be reflected in his wooing-attempts.  He hadn’t before, and it probably wouldn’t change overnight, but he had an idea- a gesture- that might just prove to Kai how serious he was.

Eric wasn’t happy about it, but it was his only shot.

-:-:-:-:-:-

They’d been ‘dating’ – like you could call it that, something so pitiful and meaningless could only be a poor imitation, not the real thing, unsuccessfully for about a month.  Eric had botched most of the dates and lost a majority of his dignity, not that it compared to the growing ache in his chest that accumulated with each failure.  He hadn’t had a legitimate conversation with Kai in weeks, and every meager step forward he managed ended with eight giant leaps back – to the point where Eric was almost doing worse than before.

In a last-ditch effort to salvage what he could, Eric turned to the one place he had sworn never to visit in this debacle.

He picked up Kai (politely), opened his door (courteously), left their destination a surprise (romantically), and tried not to throw up when assaulted by the familiar sights and sounds of the bowling alley that he had not revisited since the death of his mother, since-

“I’m sorry.” He flinched at the ruckus of distant bowling balls demolishing a rack of pins.  The place smelled of grease and popcorn, salty and artery-clogging.  In his peripherals, multi-colored lights emitted from the arcade area- pinball machines ringing, the artificial sounds of virtual bullets ending a mythical creature’s demise.  The tile was sticky in a familiar way –like a recently cleaned soda spill that hadn’t been properly mopped up yet.  There were the cheers of families, a small celebration going on a distant lane, indicative of a strike, and at the far end of the alley, Eric could see a cluster of balloons protruding above a gaggle of children all armed with party hats.

He was backing out into the afternoon sun before he could even process it, shaking his head frantically.

“I can’t,” he said again.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Kai said calmly, and that made it so much worse – that he was understanding or- hell, he had been expecting this.

That bright, shining genius of a boyfriend hadn’t ever expected to get in a game of bowling.  He wasn’t even upset, he was just- just-

“It’s not,” Eric snapped.

He couldn’t meet Kai’s eyes.

Who the hell had he been kidding?

He couldn’t do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time :)


	5. The Bender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheers to the real vampire for beta-ing this story so diligently. Vamps, your skills have skills, and for that I am eternally grateful. If you guys would like some more power rangers angst, check out 'My Brother's Keeper' by the real vampire. It is good stuff ^_^

On a Tuesday, Eric broke up with Kai.

He called him on the phone, because the blue ranger had deserved more than a text or an email, but Eric couldn’t actually stand to see the disappointed look on Kai’s face, confirmation of an endeavor doomed from the start.

Kai was patient; he listened to Eric’s explanation with quiet respect, professional, as he was with most things.  He interrupted every time Eric tried to apologize, because he was just aware how worthless the words were.  They would have been more comforting to Eric himself than Kai anyway, and Eric knew he didn’t deserve such considerations.  This ordeal, this _debacle_ had proven he was just a selfish asshole of an overgrown child who would never be able to provide the connections necessary for a satisfying relationship.  He had read that in a forum somewhere, other commenters had rushed to comfort the individual who had posted it, but the words stuck with Eric; it was the concrete definition of what he had always been trying to say, but was too barbaric to determine through his own efforts.

They broke up on a Tuesday.

Tuesday night, Eric tried his damndest to out-drink his morpher. 

He succeeded.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Eric didn’t remember how the phone had gotten into his hand, what it had taken for him to find it, or the short dilemma over whether or not to use it (because it was either that bad choice or _feeling_ and he just couldn’t handle that right now), he just knew it was there and he might as well use it for its intended purpose.

He clutched onto the phone like a lifeline, fumbling through his contacts until he managed to find the one name he was looking for, too neglected to be put under his favorites, calling it so he wouldn’t have to keep feeling the invisible wound in his chest rip deeper into his flesh and slowly kill him, because anyone and everyone kept telling him this would help and he was at the end of his rope for things that were supposed to be fixing him. 

The voice that picked up on the other end of the line was hazy, sleep-deprived and confused (what time was it?  Eric didn’t even know; time-keeping had been a priority about five bottles ago, and could hardly factor into managing importance now). 

Before he lost his nerve, Eric spat out his question, huddled pathetically with his back to the couch, glaring at the ceiling.  “Why do you hate me?”

He wasn’t even sure if he asked it, the silence that followed being so absolute, but Eric persisted, through the slurred words and his own nervous shaking, feeling about to come out of his skin.  “What did I do?  Why do you hate me?” he asked again, taking as much pain to enunciate as his sloshed-ass mind could manage.  “What did _I do_?”

There was a sigh, a weary exhale of familiar disappointment on the other end of the line, before a voice spoke up.  “ _Son, you’re drunk_.”

“No _shit_ ,” Eric spat, free-hand curling around the neck of a half-spent beer bottle, clutching it to his chest.  “Sort of a necessity, if I wanted- to get myself to call.”

“ _I’ll call you back in the morning_ ,” his dad, _his dad_ , offered- put-upon, tired; frustrated with this piece of existence he got to label as his son. 

“Answer the _goddamn question_.”

It didn’t seem like all that much to ask for.  It wasn’t like the hate in itself was a questionable fact; it wasn’t like they weren’t so very painfully aware of this constant barrier that had been hovering between them the entirety of Eric’s life.  Like everything else, Eric had learned to compensate accordingly to survive, training himself out of the need for fatherly approval, for affections that were always just out of his reach.  

His vehemence was rewarded with another sigh, though Eric realized through the haze that it sounded more alert than its predecessor, meaning that his father was at least giving him the time of day- or night, or whatever.

“ _What is it you’re looking for, Eric_?”

“The _truth_.” 

That was the point of all this, right?  This was the accumulation of everyone’s demands, their concerns, their insistent meddling and pushing and puppeteering, using their well-adjusted backgrounds to trample into Eric’s life and dictate what should go where so he could be enlightened, be _better_.

Eric continued before he could hear another disappointed sigh, badgering on so that he could finally put this waste-of-time to rest properly.  “I mean, I get it, theoretically, or spiritually or whatever; I get it.  We dig our own graves, right?  And if I’m screwed up, that’s on me.  That’s not on anyone else, that’s just my issue.  I made my life choices- not you, not mom, not _the man_ , just me; so if I’m a bit screwed up in the head that’s because of my own coping mechanisms, not because of some bullshit excuse like improper parenting or whatever.” Eric finished with a tired gasp, feeling bitterly proud he had made it through all that semi-coherently.  “I control my life.”

“ _That sounds fair_ ,” his father said after a few moments – a small part of Eric raging at the prospect of patronizing, even though it was clear his father was, as he had been many times in Eric’s life, at a loss for what to say.

“Of course,” Eric huffed, drunken mind annoyed at the implication this might not be the case.  “So I decide how I am, and you recognize this, so what I want to know - and I feel like I am owed this, at the very least – is at exactly what point did I make myself into someone you hated.  I would just like that knowledge for- what’s the word?  I can’t even _fuckin’_ remember it- oh, yeah…for _closure_.”

Eric swallowed against the uncomfortable feeling of bile rising in his throat, glaring down at his half-empty beer bottle. 

His father, never one to be much of a talker, had to take a few moments to collect himself after Eric’s outburst.  Or maybe he had just hung up the phone; it wasn’t like cutting Eric out of his life had ever proven to be a terribly difficult task for him, what was one more time?

“ _I don’t hate you,”_ his father stated quietly.

Eric’s scoff was not so believing.  “You sure as hell don’t _like_ me.”

“ _I like you_.”

“You _hate_ me, you son of a bitch, don’t bother trying to protest that _now-_ ”

“ _I don’t hate you_ ,” his father insisted.  Always his father, his dad, never just- _the man_ \- like Eric had tried to engrain him as in his mind, trying to disassociate himself from this creature that was supposed to mean something to him.

“Really?” Eric spat, beer sloshing gracelessly from the top of his bottle as he flung his arm out wildly, all energy and adrenaline.  “Because the fifteen or so years of silent-treatment would certainly disagree with you.”

Before his father could deny it, build up more walls of bullshit to hide behind, Eric was on the attack. “Hell, you didn’t even wait until after mom was dead, like the trauma had done you in.  Nope, I was fuckin’ _raised_ to your constant stoicism.  Until I met Wes’ dad, I just figured that was how fathers acted-”

“ _That isn’t fair_ ,” he dad muttered, sounding tired again, and hell if that didn’t set something burning in Eric fierce.

“What part of this shit makes you think life is _fair_?” Eric shook, finally deciding to abandon his beer bottle altogether and chuck it across the room, taking satisfaction in the way it spectacularly smashed against the wall. 

There was thrumming in his ears, blood pounding, a warning of the migraine Eric would have tomorrow (as great as ranger healing powers were, they never did seem to cover hangovers; no pity for self-inflicted wounds). 

It took Eric a few moments to realize his father had answered him, countering his declaration with a quiet, almost mournful, statement.

“ _You’re a lot like your mother_.”

However it was said, however it was meant, Eric didn’t focus on it, instead holding onto his bitter laugh, knowing he had to keep going.  “Last I checked, mom wasn’t a screw up.”

“ _Last I checked, you weren’t either.”_

“And how the hell would you know?” Eric spat, legs finding their way under him so that he could lurch to his feet, desperately needing to get mobile.  “You never paid enough attention to _notice_.”

_“I didn’t want to hold you back!”_

The shout was unexpected, enough that it startled the phone from Eric’s hand, landing with a dull thud against the carpet as he stared at it, bewildered, wondering if he had heard true.  Maybe he had hit the bottles a little too hard; he was hallucinating things, hearing what he wanted to.

He picked the phone up with shaking hands, trying not to focus too hard on the muffled sounds coming out of it indicating that it was, indeed, on, that there _was_ a conversation going on, so that much he hadn’t made up.

_“-you there?”_ his dad was saying when he got the phone back against his ear.  “ _Eric, can you still hear me?”_

“I’m here,” the Quantum ranger replied with a shaky voice, the anger from earlier abandoning him to the real- the heavier emotions of… whatever this was.  All the things he hated.  The weakness.

“ _Good_ ,” his father said, sounding… relieved; light and honest.  “ _Now listen, because I- I only want to say this once_.

“ _You_ ,” his dad continued, voice as shaky as Eric’s hands, wavering and uncertain.  “ _Are as stupidly stubborn and proud and determined as your mother was.  You’ve always been.  Come hell or high water, once you put a goal in your sight, you wouldn’t stop until you reached it- just like your mother.  Your beautiful, headstrong, mother._

“ _Even when I met her I thought- well, I knew, she was too good for me.  That I didn’t stand a chance.  But she was so… alive, I guess, so vibrant and strong, I couldn’t help but… try, you know, because I would’ve kicked myself every day for the rest of my life if I didn’t.  Figured the worst she could do was say no, and the best… maybe I’d get a few dates out of it before she realized her mistake.”_

There was a bitter laugh at the other end of the line, somehow mixed with fondness.  “ _So I was a bit…thrown when your mother, always getting what she wanted, proposed to me.  Married me.  Made me a father, started a life with me, dragged me along in the wake of her vivacity.  You remember how she was, right?”_

“I remember,” Eric whispered, resolutely not acknowledging the heat welling behind his eyes as he took in her memory, the way she laughed, her smile, her will.

“ _And you- you two, got along so easily.  She raised you to be just like her, just as strong, just as determined, just as mighty.  I couldn’t…_

“ _You were both too good for me_ ,” his dad whispered.  “ _I wish I was better, but I’m not.  I won’t be.  And I can’t… I can’t let you get held back by your old man.  I don’t want you to be like me, just, be like her, like how you are, driven, ready to take on life.”_ He waited a moment before he added, “ _You don’t need me.”_

“I needed a _dad_.”

It hurt so much more just to say it, to reveal this festering wound he had been trying to hide for the majority of his lifetime.  It felt pathetic and weak, that this thing- such a cliché – could possibly be influence for how he had conditioned himself to live.

His dad hadn’t wanted to damage people with his touch any more than Eric had.

But that really didn’t stop them from doing it.

“Thank you…uh-” he considered adding ‘dad’, but cut himself off at the last moment, pulling the phone away and ended the call quickly, before they could bare any more of their souls. 

It wasn’t worth the effort anyway.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“Apparently, I have whisky.”

Eric hadn’t even _known_ he had whisky, but after a frustrating search for more liquid _sus-ten-ance_ , he had discovered a few bottles he must have tucked away at some time or other.  Past-him had probably envisioned sharing them at some kind of victory celebration, but Present-him was out of beer and still conscious, and after that rather _pleasant_ conversation with his father, inadequately drunk enough to deal with the world.  He opened the bottles and never looked back; downing them with such ferocity he barely felt the burn anymore. 

At some point, Eric had rediscovered his phone, though why he bothered, he didn’t know.  Probably figured it couldn’t do him much harm now, after everything else.

He knew just who to call and share his discovery of whiskey with.  Knew who’d love to hear him at his weakest with a mirth unrivalled.

There was a pause at the other end of the line (what time was it?  Did they even have the same time zones there?) before they eventually spoke.  “… _I can hear that.”_

“Of course you can, Leo,” Eric scoffed, chuckling into his half-empty bottle.  “You know everything.  And I just wanted you to know-”

“ _I’m not-”_

“Yes,” Eric insisted, even if he hadn’t gotten all the words out, because he knew with complete certainty what Leo was going to say, the same thing he always did.  “You are.  You’re right, okay?  You’re right an’ I called my dad like everyone and _their dads_ kept telling me to and it made me see just _how_ right you were.  You’re right, revel in it, okay?  Live in it, that’s who you are-”

“ _Hey_ ,” the voice said.  “ _I’m not-”_

“Shut up, Leo,” Eric spat, hoping this would be the last time they had this particular conversation.  “You’re right.  We broke up, okay?  Are you happy?” 

He spilled some of his drink down the front of his shirt, missing his mouth by a wide mile at the sudden heat attacking his eyes, and ignored it.  It was fleeting anyway. 

“Is he happy?” Eric asked, and damn if his voice didn’t sound small and pathetic, but he needed to know.

There was another pause, Leo and his stupid dramatics, making Eric wait – he knew he deserved suffering, Eric was an ass, but sometimes it would be nice if Leo could just cut the shit and-

“… _Eric_?” the voice asked, sounding uncertain.

It took Eric a few minutes of contemplating the uncertain tone to realize he wasn’t, in fact, talking to Leo.  Jesus, who had he called?

It didn’t matter; they’d asked him his name, which meant they weren’t entirely sure who he was, and there was still time for Eric to salvage some of his reputation.  After a few unsuccessful attempts, Eric managed to hit ‘end call’, then set about sorting through his contacts, words blurring together and head spinning, until he found the right name.

“ _Still me_ ,” the voice said whenever the call picked up.

“What the fuck?” Eric snapped.  “Who the hell am I calling?”

“ _Right phone_ ,” the voice said, and even in his booze-induced haze, Eric could tell he was trying to be helpful.  “ _Wrong ranger_.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Eric snarled again.  “Just- put him on, or something.”

“ _I’m not talking to him at the moment so uh… no can do_.”

“Perfect,” Eric hissed.  It wasn’t like he could blame the voice though; Eric wouldn’t be talking to Leo either if he could help it.  He wasn’t sure why he needed to tell the Galaxy ranger that he was right, but it needed to be done.  Part of his penance, he supposed.

“Who’m I talking to?” he asked, wiping a weary hand across his face.  He wanted to know who to avoid for the rest of his life.

“ _Damon_ ,” the voice – Damon – replied helpfully.  “ _You okay, man_?”

“I hope that was rhetorical,” Eric muttered, eyeing his bottle of whisky.  He could probably get it to his mouth again.  “Because if it wasn’t, I might have to hunt you down and beat you unconscious.”

“ _I think that safely categorizes you as ‘not okay’_.”

“That would be correct,” Eric allowed.

He wasn’t really sure why he was still talking, but Damon seemed like a decent enough guy.  Kai liked him a lot, and his standards were… well, he had dated Eric, so that wasn’t really saying much.  But Damon seemed alright.

“ _What’d he say_?” Damon asked, and strangely enough, he sounded like he genuinely wanted to know.

Stranger still, Eric genuinely wanted to answer him.  Huh.

He had thought this was strictly a pity party to simmer in his own deficiencies.  This took a strange turn.

“That I wasn’t good enough.  For Kai,” he added, because hell, he _could_ be talking about anyone, right?  He took another swig of his bottle.  “And he was right, actually.  Turns out, that shit’s genetic.”

“ _I don’t think anyone can be genetically predisposed into inadequacy_.”

Eric snorted.  “You haven’t met my dad.”

“ _While that is true_ ,” Damon allowed, sounding thoughtful. “- _unless you’re referring to like, the biological condition of the brain predisposing you to certain behaviors, I’m pretty sure you’re off-base, man_.”

“Learned behavior,” Eric tried.  It took him a bit to remember the exact words, and they might not even be the right ones.

“ _I think you’re too out of it for a nature vs. nurture conversation_.”

Annoyed with his lack of success in…Eric wasn’t sure what he was trying to achieve, but someone _agreeing_ with him would have been nice, Eric sniffed, trying a different approach.  “Look, my point is, he was right.”

“ _Was he, though_?” Damon didn’t sound very much like he believed this, but then again, that could be the drink affecting his perception.  “ _Leo’s been kind of an asshole lately.  I think he’s having like, a mid, mid-life crisis_.”

Eric laughed, low and bitter.  “Plenty of those going around.”

Damon considered this with more patience than it was due.  “ _I think_ ,” he said after a moment.  “ _Leo’s been displacing some of his frustrations onto you_.”

“And I think I called the wrong ranger,” Eric grumbled.  After the last phone call, this one seemed anticlimactic and very, very unsatisfying.  This wasn’t what he had hoped to achieve.  There should be more yelling or something.  Or threatening to break his legs.  Or ‘good job buddy, glad you finally did the right thing, you selfish dick’ or _something_.

The calm, rational conversation was not something his thoroughly drunk self could handle.

“Look, would you just like, thank me, or something?” Eric asked after a few minutes of silence.  Well, maybe Damon had been talking, but he hadn’t heard any of it.  “For leaving your friend alone.”

“ _Who?  Leo_?” Damon sounded confused, which was great, because at least Eric had company.  “ _Because if that was the goal, you’re doing a very bad job_.”

“ _Kai_ ,” Eric growled.  “For leaving _Kai_ alone.”

“ _Did you actually break up with him_?” For some odd reason, Damon sounded surprised.

“Yes, I- what did you think I was going on about?”

“ _I thought that was the whisky talking_.”

“My words are my own… asshole.” A lackluster insult, but Eric didn’t have anything better.  Hell, he couldn’t even get chewed out properly.

“ _You’re drunk_.” Damon sounded very unimpressed.

None of this was going the way it should be.

“In my experience, drunk people are very honest.”  No inhibitions, and all that.  Did what they want when they wanted it, and if Eric were a lesser man he would have already called Kai and grovelled until he took him back, like the worthless sack he was.

“ _In my experience – and I want to clarify here by saying my experience is you and a drunk-Leo_ -”

“Asshole.”

“- _Yeah, sure,”_ Damon said dismissively.  “ _Anyway, in my experience, whatever provoked an individual into being drunk greatly affects their honesty._ ”

Eric furrowed his brows, mouthing the words silently as he tried to puzzle them out.  Eventually, he surrendered to incomprehension.  “Small words… asshole.”

“ _You are a fan of that_ ,” Damon noted.  Before Eric could snarl an appropriate reply, the green ranger was off and running.  “ _Your version of ‘truth’, at this exact moment, is completely warped by your inebriation_.”

Eric scoffed.  “Truth is truth, jackass.”

“ _You think you aren’t good enough for Kai_ ,” Damon pointed out.  “ _And if that were true – honestly, depths-of-your-soul true, Kai would never have bothered with you in the first place, because Kai doesn’t waste his time_.”

“He did on me.” And it hurt, that they were right, but they _were_.  He took a chance and it didn’t pay off.

“ _Because you broke up with him_?”

“Because I’m _awful_.”

Dana – the nosy ass – would probably be getting a kick out of this.  All the words she wanted to hear that Eric couldn’t manage the strength to say, hiding behind his machismo and stoicism like a petulant child.

“ _While I sincerely doubt that_ -” Eric chuckled, cutting off the other ranger’s rational voice with a graceless snort before turning back to his bottle. “- _and I do_ , _doubt that_ ,” Damon continued, unaffected.  “ _I want to point out that you’re the one in control of your level of awfulness man, if that’s what’s bugging you_.”

“Yeah,” Eric agreed with a sigh.  “I thought that too, but it’s almost…” He shrugged, then belatedly remembered the other man couldn’t see him.  “It’s natural.”

“ _You’re making excuses_.”

“I _tried,_ okay,” Eric spat in the wake of that accusation, hating the way it made him feel so small.  “I tried to be decent and I just- I couldn’t make it work.  I wanted to, I planned everything and I tried and- I couldn’t even go _bowling_ with him.”

Which was for reasons that were never his fault, and entirely Eric’s, beyond the normal refusal based on bowling’s inherent dorkiness, but Eric couldn’t even put it into words when Kai stared at him, eyes blank and hard, like he knew Eric was going to fail him again, like he had the other times.

“How-?” he began, wondering if Damon had tried talking again, then pushing forward anyway.  “How am I supposed to tell him I love him and his stupid quirks and his awesome quirks and his brain and his everything if I can’t even do a date properly?  What if he _stayed_?”

Eric couldn’t think of anything worse than that, of Kai being stuck in a perpetual loop of hope that one day Eric would become an appropriate partner for him, all the while waiting through days, and weeks, and years of disappointment.  Eric couldn’t do that.

“ _I thought the goal was to get him to stay_ ,” Damon said eventually.

The lack of judgment could have just as easily been real as it could have been a trick of the sauce, but Eric couldn’t contemplate such things when the odds were stacked against them.  He didn’t have the mental faculties to handle it if the hoped for too much.

“The goal was to make him happy.”

And that… that was it.  There wasn’t anything else to it. 

It was a startling realization, one that had taken him two phone calls with virtual strangers and more alcohol than he had consumed in the past year, but he actually got it.  He got why Leo told him to leave, why Taylor told him to try, why Dana had refused to stop helping.  He understood with the clarity of a drunkard, unburdened by the normal human conditioning he relied on, the standards he used, to get him through the day.   He _got_ it.

The important thing here had always been Kai.

“ _And you think you can’t do that for him_?”

“See,” Eric laughed, because if the past few days had given him anything, it was the definite answer to that very question.  “I _know_ I can’t.”

It wasn’t solace, or an ending, but it was, ultimately, the first dregs to an eventual understanding that would help him continue.

What Eric had been doing before, it wasn’t really living.  It was surviving, plain and true, and he was too old and too…secure now, in his life, to continue like this.

For the first time in a long time, Eric realized if he wanted an upside to this- this _low_ anytime soon – he needed to let go.  He needed to move on.

He needed to live.

He hung up the call without saying goodbye, tossing his phone aside carelessly.  After a few moments, his half-empty bottle followed it, disgust plastered across his features as he contemplated his situation, the epitome of self-indulgence.

Eric had always been self-centered through necessity.  If he was going to start trying out this ‘empathy’ business, had some behavior to correct, and a few scores to settle.

It could wait though, for the morning.

For this, he could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, there is a happy ending in all this. 
> 
> Until next time :)


	6. The Hangover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the real vampire for beta-ing this story! I am eternally grateful for vamps’ thoughtful feedback. If you’re looking for some more power rangers angst, check out 'My Brother's Keeper' by the real vampire. It is good stuff ^_^

The next morning came with too much light and too much noise and an awful taste in his mouth, like a small rodent had curled inside and died during his bout with unconsciousness.  Aside from the usual suspects of a dry throat and a headache that made all headaches before it look like puny pretenders, the whirlwind of empty bottles and crumpled trash were pretty strong indicators of Eric’s bender last night. 

_Classy Myers_ , he thought, and then immediately regretted it, the mere action of forming coherent sentences enough to make him want to hole up in some dark place until the end of time.  Or until his stomach eventually got around to demanding food, but really, Eric was okay with the end-of-time thing.  He could manage that.

Guess the Quantum Morpher wasn’t feeling generous with its healing properties where hangovers were concerned.  Figured.

“Peeze a’ crap,” Eric grumbled, managing, through a particularly stunning effort on his part, to work up a glare at his morpher.  And then he went back to huddling into a small ball of pain, because _damnjeesusowchristshit_ -

“While that was probably rhetorical, you know that it doesn’t work on self-inflicted wounds.”

“ _Gur-werway,”_ Eric growled, sending out a few pitiful hopes that the voice had been a delayed illusion of his private drinking fest.  “Leemee ‘lone.”

“In case you were wondering,” the voice continued, because voices never cared what Eric wanted.  “It’s meaningful conversations like this that keep me coming back.”

“ _Leave_.” Eric burrowed his face into his arms, one hand pressed against the side of his head pitifully to block out the noise.

“Should we take him to the hospital?”  Another voice, a soothing, calm, beacon of justice- oh, it was Carter.  Hey Carter.  “Is he going to be okay?”

“He can sleep it off,” the first voice – devil voice, _eeeevil_ \- assured.  Like it knew anything.

If Eric wasn’t so certain that he deserved this discomfort, he would have chucked something at it.

Stupid voice.

There was some clinking, the sounds of someone moving around the apartment, scooping up trash.  “These are a lot of bottles,” Carter said, concerned, but – thankfully – quiet.  “Are you sure-?”

“Why _sure_ I’m sure,” the original voice – okay, it had to be Wes, because Eric didn’t know anyone else that obnoxious.  “Now get to cleaning.  We don’t need his stumbly ass tripping over one of these things and breaking his neck.”

_Stupid Wes, stupid-_

No.  Wait, no.  Eric wasn’t going to do that anymore.

He had to reevaluate his… displeasure, but it was going to have to wait until later, when his body was done revolting.

“Why,” Eric tried, his mouth revolting around complete words.  “-eeer you-?”

“Why, it _speaks_ ,” Wes laughed, and it went to show how big a nuisance he could be- Eric’s defensive mechanisms aside – that he, unlike Carter, gave no damns about his volume.  “Good morning, Princess!”

Normally, Eric’s kneejerk response to this would have been _‘Die’_ or, his personal favorite, _‘Fuck off’_ , but this was his first day as a new man, so his defaults were off the table as appropriate responses.  _Fantastic_.

Eric tried again, _articulating_ , “Why are you here?”

He furrowed his brows, pleased to have sounded so coherent and, what the hell, went for another question.  “How’d you get in?”

Wes didn’t try very hard not to sound smug when he answered.  “Turnabout, my friend, is fair play.”

“We used my key,” Carter explained, sparing Eric from requesting clarification.

“Why?” Eric croaked, because that had been the original question, and it was mildly worrisome that they hadn’t answered it yet.

It wasn’t like he had drunkenly called _them_ yesterday.

Right?

“Got a fun call from Damon last night,” Wes replied happily.  “Said you could probably use a checkup.”

“He said you hung up on him,” Carter added, still sounding concerned.

Eric groaned, leveraging himself into a sitting position, and immediately collapsing against the nearest object.  His couch, apparently.  Okay, that was good.

“I was done talkin’.” After that it had been straight into passing out, shaking off the exhausting day to deal with it tomorrow.

“Yeah well, he isn’t,” Wes chirped, kicking Eric’s feet whenever he brushed by, ignoring the other man’s grumbles.  “So you can expect to have some company later.”

“We thought perhaps you wouldn’t want your house to look like…” Carter trailed off uncertainly. 

“A shitstain?” Eric offered.  He thought it was an accurate summation.

“I was going to say ‘Dungeon of misery’ but sure,” Wes said, carelessly tossing junk into a trash bag, by the sound of it.  “We’ll go with your version.”

Eric frowned.  “While I appreciate the effort-”

“I also wanted to make sure you were still alive,” Carter added, ignoring what would have been Eric’s protest.  “We’ve had concerns since you’ve been…”

“Shutting us out?  Hiding away?” Wes offered.  There was a poignant unloading of bottles off of Eric’s kitchen table, like an arm sweeping across the surface.  “Drowning your sorrows?” 

“Changing.”

Some of the bottles missed their mark, tumbling onto the scuffed linoleum floor instead of Wes’ bag.  Instead of cursing, the movement was met with contemplative silence.

“Changing?” Wes repeated.

Eric didn’t have the faculties to discern whether this was incredulous or not.  He figured the possibility of mocking was worth the risk of opening his eyes.

They- or, more realistically, Carter – had dimmed the lights to a more hangover-friendly level.  As he had suspected, Wes was crouched by his kitchen table, fingers drumming restlessly against an empty beer bottle.  He couldn’t see Carter, but he suspected the other man was somewhere behind him, on the other side of the couch. 

Wes laughed, but it wasn’t mirthful, and he grabbed for another empty bottle.  “Changing required this?”

“What can I say?” Eric exhaled slowly, digging sleep clumsily from his eyes.  “I’m a slow learner.  I needed help.”

“This is your idea of help?” Wes snapped.

Eric hadn’t been looking at him, but he knew that tone.  Knew it from years of reprimanding Silver Guardian cadets for taking stupid risks, for calling out rude behavior in the workplace, for shattering social injustice with just a quirk of his eyebrow.  Wes was pissed, and frustrated to boot.

And, for once, Eric actually understood where he was coming from.

The blond was concerned.  About him.  Frightened that this would establish some kind of unfavorable precedence.

“No,” Eric replied.  It was true.  “One time deal.  But I um… I get it, now.”

He risked a look in the other Time Force ranger’s direction and was met with a steely gaze, the blond looking uncharacteristically serious, studying Eric with a focused intensity he hadn’t bothered to use since he tried convincing Eric to fight beside him. With him.  Them.  The team.

‘ _Get what?’_ was going to be the next question, and Eric didn’t want to hear him ask it, didn’t want to dally in the behaviors and the conversations they’d had a thousand times when this was supposed to be about a new start.

“You should leave.” Eric shifted, slowly but surely, into a crouch, trying to get his feet under him.  “This one is my mess and I _uhh_ … I think it’s about time I took care of those on my own.”

“I’m glad to see you figured out half the problem,” Wes noted, sounding thoughtful.  He went back to gathering bottles.  “But you’re still kind of missing the point.” 

Eric frowned and steadied himself against the couch, preparing to stand.  “I’m not bothering you with the little stuff.”

“The meaningless stuff,” Wes corrected.  “The stuff without feelings behind it?  The stupid things you do to keep us away?  Yeah, I think we would all be okay if you stopped doing that.”

“Fantastic,” Eric drawled.  Real talk with Wesley Collins.  Who knew this would be his life?  “Now if you could just-”

“But the stuff we _want_ to do,” Wes continued like he hadn’t heard him.  “The times we want to reach out and help you because you’re our friend?  That’s the stuff you don’t get to turn away from.  That’s our call, not yours.”

Eric took a deep breath and stood, only stumbling under a small bout of vertigo.  He caught himself on the couch, but there was another hand on his shoulder.  Carter’s.

“I appreciate that,” Eric began, closing his eyes.  “But this-”

“Right now,” Carter said.  “Wes and I would like to help you clean your apartment.”

“Because we’re proud of you.” Wes didn’t even apologize for the rise in volume, but he ditched the bag and made his way across the room in a stubborn march.  “And I’m pretty sure neither one of us were expecting you to see you’re…” He frowned, as though unsure of how to phrase something.

“I’m what?” Eric asked.  This wasn’t something he had been expecting.

“Not happy.”

“No shit,” Eric scoffed.

“I supposed ‘unsatisfied’ would be a better way of phrasing it,” Carter added, considering.

“'Treading water’, would also work,” Wes quipped, shooting Carter a rueful grin.  His eyes zeroed back in on Eric with renewed intensity, a seriousness overtaking the mirth.  “It took me a while to see, you know,” he started casually.  “Past the…” He gestured towards Eric.

The assholeness.  Yeah, Eric understood his meaning.

“But I got your number,” Wes continued.  “Whenever the hints of decency started showing beneath that prickly exterior, I figured out your little survival mechanism and- Hey, the way I saw it, if I gave you enough time eventually…” He trailed off with a shrug, glancing towards a particularly chaotic pile of beer bottles.  He shrugged again.

“You never reconsidered your behavior.”  Carter spoke up with soft calmness; this neutral words an odd counter to Wes’ more heartfelt admissions.  “You had conditioned yourself to the point where reconsidering your choices was not an option.  At least, not without a push.”

“You were getting by,” Wes picked up, and it was overwhelming, slightly, that these two had put so much thought into _him_ , but they weren’t stopping anytime soon.  “You were as happy as you could be, as you could allow yourself to be, and I’m pretty sure Kai realized – for both you and himself – that things weren’t as good as they could be.”

“But they _were_ good,” Eric insisted.  There wasn’t any heat to it, no contrary buildup of spite; this was merely stated fact of his own personal truth.  Before it had turned sour- at the end – he had thought they were doing pretty well for themselves, all things considered.

Instead of acknowledging the protest, Carter continued with his explanation, steady as always.  “You’re not some one-dimensional caricature Eric.”  He came around the broader man, his grip firm on Eric’s shoulder, and joined Wes to create an impenetrable wall of concern.  “And when you are acting as such, it is impossible to fully engage-”

“Or enjoy,” Wes added.

“Your life,” Carter finished with a nod.

Eric rubbed a hand across his face, if only to escape their matched expressions unloading this unrestrained _concern_.  He wanted to snap at them, he wanted to laugh it off.  He wanted to mock them for their _feelings_ or scoff that they would ever imply that he would _ever_ feel anything remotely similar to what they had stated.  He wanted to hunt down Leo and tell him the good news, he wanted to call Damon and apologize (on a smaller, unacknowledged note, he wanted to call his father as well).  He wanted to rewind the clock and stop himself from purposefully rearranging the dishwasher – any of the times he had done it – because it didn’t seem worth all of _this_.

But the undeniable truth of it was that they- Dana and Taylor and Leo and Kai and Wes and Carter, his father, Damon; anyone with eyes – they were all right.  And Eric couldn’t ignore that anymore.

He couldn’t go back to doing what was easiest; he couldn’t go back to doing what kept him safe.

He may never speak to Kai again, and the thought of that killed him, pure and simple, but if Eric had any respect for the man, for himself, or for any of the bullshit Kai had put up with the short time they had been ‘dating’, then Eric could not continue living this way.  He needed to grow up.

He needed to change.

And that entailed doing shit, and accepting shit, that he didn’t want to.

“Okay,” Eric grumbled into his hand, pressing at his temples to still the dull throbbing- there was pain, but it was manageable.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” he repeated.

“Headache?” Wes asked.

For once, it didn’t sound mocking.  Not pleased or angry or even concerned.  It was a simple enough question.

And Eric actually knew the answer this time.

“Yeah,” He mumbled, ignoring the quiet stabs and the awful taste and his stomach’s steadfast uneasiness.  He ignored the fact that he remained standing on willpower alone, or that his home was a mess, or that the world felt unsteady beneath his feet.

He had a problem.  A problem he could, very practically, manage on his own.  It wouldn’t be difficult.  It wouldn’t be pleasant either, but it wouldn’t have killed him.

That wasn’t really the point.

“I’ll get you some Tylenol,” Wes decided.

He didn’t wait for any acceptance, and honestly, Eric wouldn’t have paid attention to them anyway.  He was more focused on Carter steering him back onto the couch, with allowing that – in his weakened state – to occur.

“I’ll make coffee,” Carter said, draping a worn throw blanket over Eric with exaggerated care.

“Do you have VODKA?” Wes asked, voice muffled as he shifted through the kitchen cabinets.  “We could make Bloody Marys.”

Eric groaned, tugging the blanket – Kai’s blanket, a blue monstrosity Eric insisted could only have come from Leo – over his head.  “No more alcohol.”

“How about toast?”  Carter – reasonable, wonderful Carter – suggested.  A few minutes later there was the tell-tale sounds of coffee percolating, the water hissing and sputtering quiet gurgles as he joined Wes in the kitchen proper.

“And eggs,” Wes decided.  “Eggs and bacon.  Maybe hash browns if he has potatoes.  A greasy breakfast is the next best cure, right?”

“I have no practical experience,” Carter confessed.  “But I think we should just start with toast and see how it goes.”

“And coffee,” Eric grumbled, huddled up beneath his impromptu blanket cocoon.

“Spoilsports,” Wes muttered.  “Now _shoo-_ ” this must have been aimed towards Carter.  “Go clean up the disaster area.”

“Shitstain,” Eric insisted.

“Just for that, I’m cooking all your bacon,” Wes declared.  There was chastisement, but no real weight behind it.  Or if there had been it was easily conquered by a light kind of joy, an ease of… friendship, Eric guessed.

Weird.

Not bad.  But weird.

“The potatoes are in the bottom drawer,” Eric said.

The following cheer of victory was not exactly the best thing for his hangover, but despite the pain, it was definitely worth it.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“That is- _wow_ , that is a lot of beer bottles.  I mean-” The man – who Eric recognized as Damon from Kai’s many pictures and videos – examined the garbage bags resting by the front door, the black plastic straining against the many glass bottle they contained.  “I mean,” the man started again, his face armed with a puzzled but intrigued expression.  “ _Wow_.  I guess I should be lucky you were coherent.”

“By all means,” Eric grumbled, gracing the man – uncharacteristically not sporting his usual green jumpsuit – with a half-lidded glare before turning his attention back to the dishes.  “Let yourselves in.”

Damon prodded the bags with cautious toe the same way one would poke at slightly questionable lunchmeats that had been left in the fridge for one week too many.  “Did you drink _all_ of these?”

“Nope,” Eric scoffed, rolling his eyes and instantly regretting it for the bout of vertigo.  “I just like opening bottles.”

“He spilled a lot, if that makes you feel any better,” Carter added.  It would have been believable regardless, as the information came from Carter, but the supplementary support of the Lightspeed ranger crouched above a particularly stubborn stain on Eric’s dingy carpet certainly confirmed the fact.

Somehow the red ranger made a squeeze bottle of generic carpet cleaning solution and a scrub brush look like he was arming himself for critical combat, unfairly heroic when accessorized with blue rubber gloves.

Eric was pretty sure Wes was spending more of his time taking pictures of the Lightspeed ranger than he was attacking the stains on his assigned section of the floor, but it wasn’t like Carter had gone into this expecting the work to be evenly divided anyway.

“I can see that,” Damon noted.  He eyed the additional stains with quiet curiosity, not critical, and wove around Wes to make his way towards the kitchen, cataloguing the state of Eric’s apartment in a way that was painfully similar to Kai’s own initial reserved inspection.

The Quantum ranger tried to keep that from burning, swallowed down the – _that_ of it all, and turned his attention to his backlog of dishes he was carefully cleaning by hand.

“I’m sorry I called,” Eric mumbled quietly, his eyes narrowing in on a particularly stubborn smudge of grease.

“It’s cool,” Damon replied breezily, leaning against the counter to Eric’s right, by the drainer.  “I can understand the unwavering urge to yell at Leo.”

Eric, stubbornly (big surprise _there_ ) kept his gaze on the dishes, the growing mounds of foam and suds spreading beneath this fingers.  It was oddly comforting.  “I didn’t mean to bother-”

“Break ups are hard,” Damon said suddenly.  It cut off Eric’s train of thought, derailed the thing until it was just as untamed as the soapy mess in front of him, and in that time, Damon continued.  “Harder, even, when your so-called support group is working against you.”

_That_ got Eric’s attention.

He turned, preparing for battle, soap and water flying in thin spatters.  “They were fine, you can’t say-”

Damon wasn’t looking at him.  He didn’t need to, really, because the point hadn’t been to look at Eric.

The point, the Quantum ranger realized, had been to get Eric to look somewhere else.

Like say, perhaps, his entryway, where an almost-shy Leo Corbett was standing, frowning down at Eric’s garbage bags.

“Leo doesn’t count,” Eric declared, because the other ranger didn’t.  Leo was in Kai’s corner, and he always had been.  There was no way in hell the brunette would ever consider Eric as more than a minor annoyance, despite the fact they both were red.  “You can’t say-”

“You know what?” Damon interrupted, turning his attention to Wes and Carter.  “I think I’m going to go for a walk.  Would you guys like to join me?”

“Sounds good.” Wes smiled, making no pretense of being relieved to get out of his cleaning duties.  “Hey, there’s a good hot dog cart down at the park that sells the best beef franks around, and this delicious grape soda-”

“We just ate,” Carter said.  It could have been categorized as a protest had the man not been smiling, a reserved grin that had to be saved especially for Wes-related antics.

The blond waved him off, and started prodding Carter towards the door, actually pulling off the rubber gloves for him.  “Ranger metabolism, you know how it is.  Let’s _go_.”

“Man after my own heart,” Damon chirped, making his way towards the door.  He passed Leo as he was exiting, and patted the man’s arm without even looking at him, keeping his eyes fixed on the freedom of outside, and the squabbling couple behind him.

Leo looked like – for a second – like he was about to protest, but his mouth closed after what had to be a particularly fierce squeeze from Damon, and just like that any of his reservations died on his tongue.

Eric, on the other hand, safely out of all of their arm reaches, had a few words to say about this.  “You can’t just-”

“ _La, la, la-_ ” Wes sang, because Wes was, and always would be, kind of an annoying dick.  “We’re going to be really nice and pretend this isn’t exactly what you want- _laaa_.”

“Interesting song,” Damon noted, sharing an amused look with Carter.

The Lightspeed ranger shrugged.  “You should hear his ode to laundry-sorting.”

The door closed behind them before the Time Force ranger was allowed the opportunity to demonstrate, which is both lucky, in that it saved Eric’s ear drums, and unlucky, in that he had to talk to Leo.

Damn it all though, Wes was right.  Eric had wanted to talk to him.

Might as well do it now.

-:-:-:-:-:-

“So.”

“So.”

Leo continued to stare down at his coffee cup, his fingers tapping restlessly against the chipped edged as they fell back into awkward silence.  It was a very rewarding experience.

Inconvenient, now that he finally had a chance to actually talk to Leo, that Eric couldn’t think of what to say.  He couldn’t organize the words any differently than how he had delivered them to Damon or Wes or Carter.  And he knew, from trial and error, that apparently those were not satisfactory explanations.  Eric wasn’t exactly sure what the end goal of this was, he only knew—well, he only hoped that something good would come from it.  A character building experience or something.  A moment of profound growth. 

Or maybe he and Leo would just start yelling at each other.  Old habits, and all that.

“So,” Leo tried again.  He was still staring down at his coffee as though it were the most interesting thing in the room.  Which – for Leo – was probably the case, but that didn’t make it any less insulting.

Eric couldn’t get a read on his expression; it was too bland to be any of the standard Leo emotions he had come to recognize from the joint GSA-Bio Labs-Lightspeed Rescue meetings.  Leo, in himself, was lively in just about everything he did.  Schooled seriousness included.  He emoted, expressively, as easily as breathing – a complaint Kai had shared in confidence when explaining his team’s dynamics.  In the beginning, it had been difficult to gauge whether Leo’s behavior was merely an exaggerated front for his true personality, or if he was, in fact, just an ass.

In the end, they decided it was a little of both columns and left it at that.  Eric wasn’t sure what Leo was protecting himself from, but there was enough sincerity in his actions that he never dwelled on it.

“I owe you an apology.”

“And you have decided this… why?” Eric asked this mildly, keeping his back turned to Leo as he contemplated what remained of the dirty dishware from breakfast.  There wasn’t a lot left; he had the pan from the eggs, a few miscellaneous forks- but it would do.  He bypassed the dishwasher in favor of the drainer, just as he had for the past three weeks since Kai’s ultimatum.

He missed him, to an extent that Eric would never be able to properly quantify, let alone express. 

“I didn’t _decide_ this Eric, I just-” Leo cut himself off with a quick inhale of air, frustrated and fierce.  Eric heard the mug settle down against his table, somewhat clumsily, and if he closed his eyes he could pretend, ever so slightly, that the action belonged to another.

If there was one thing Kai’s absence had confirmed, it was Eric’s feelings about the other ranger.  That, now, was something even he couldn’t doubt.  Wouldn’t doubt.

The real question though was, could that be enough?

Eric already knew the answer.

In the meantime, Leo rediscovered his words.  “It just _is_ ,” the red ranger determined, stubborn, unyielding.  “I was out of line, Eric, in just about every way, and that wasn’t fair to you.  I had- I _have_ my own…” A pause, Leo swallowing, and Eric scrubbed at the frying pan ever so slightly harder.  “I _have_ ,” Leo repeated, “My own… issues to deal with right now and instead of, you know-” Sorting them out like an adult, he didn’t say, but Eric understood it.  It had only been his method of coping since _forever_.  “I took them out on you.”

The last part was muttered, with maybe a bit of shame in there.  Maybe a touch of remorse, of loathing, but for the first time in a while Leo’s mood seemed impenetrable.  It was throwing Eric off, and he couldn’t figure out _why_ -

“It wasn’t fair to you,” Leo was saying, his fingers tapping a steady rhythm against the wooden table.  “And it wasn’t fair to him.”

_Him_.

Kai.

It gifted Eric with sudden clarity. 

Leo wasn’t here for his benefit, he was here for Kai.  He was here because for some reason no one could really decipher, Kai had a fondness for Eric.  And now that the Quantum ranger was gone, free of his life, Kai was… was he hurting?  Would he feel the same loss as Eric? 

Or would he, as he had before, adapt?  Acknowledge that without the ball and chain of Eric’s social deficit weighing him down, he was actually better off?

The thought made Eric queasy.     

“Thank you, Leo,” Eric said, because it was the polite thing to do.  He didn’t feel particularly grateful at that point in time, but he knew that someday he would, and it could be addressed now.  “I appreciate it.”

He would.  One day Eric would look back on this conversation with detached gratitude.  One day, he wouldn’t be able to remember this conversation at all.  At some point, this would be an overlooked speckle on the roadmap of his life. 

A fist slammed down against the table, bringing Eric back to the present. 

Eric turned, glancing over his shoulder, to see Leo had risen to his feet.  His body was taunt, coiled in a dangerous tension, one fist tight against the table, the mug of coffee toppled carelessly from the jolt, abandoned.

_“Don’t_ ,” Leo hissed, his jaw clenched together.  “Don’t dismiss this.”

“I’m not,” Eric automatically replied, his voice level, controlled. 

If he looked at Leo close enough, he could see the tremor of the other ranger’s jaw, he could see the wet sheen gathering in his eyes.  Eric turned his eyes away.

“You-” He sucked in a vicious breath, swallowing.  “So that’s it then?” Leo asked.  He sounded despairing and hollow, and it was strange on him.  “You’re just giving up?”

“I’m not-” Eric bit off the denial with a growl, glaring down at his dishes. 

This wasn’t a battle; they weren’t fighting a war.  This wasn’t as simple as two opposing forces battling for different outcomes, this was life.  Shades of grays and browns muddling together into an abstract portrait from which there would never be any kind of definition or guidance.  They were on their own for this one, and could only stumble along as best they could.

“This was broken from the beginning,” Eric said.  Because at some point, someone needed to say it.  He wasn’t sure why no one else had, when they had a clearer view of the oncoming spectacle than Eric could ever hope too.  Maybe they had, in their little things.  In all of Wes’ jokes about ‘dysfunctional function’ or ‘beauty in imperfection’ or how there was ‘no one else who could deal with their social ineptitude but each other’ and they would laugh, and Eric and Kai would frown, but not disagree.

They never disagreed, because it had been based in truth.  Eric had thought that was what made them work together so well.

Now, he could see the error of his logic.  How could you have something strong, something valuable, if the foundation on which everything was built was broken?  He had fluked his way into a relationship with Kai and how, to this day, Eric had gotten the blue ranger to stick around, was beyond him.  Part of him thought Kai didn’t know better, that Eric was the best he could do.

He could have anything.  How he didn’t know that, _how_ , was a question that would forever keep Eric at a loss.  With his intellect and drive, Kai could have the entire world at his fingertips; he just chose not to.  But why?  _Why not_?  It didn’t make sense.

At the reunion, Eric had been fuming and petty because Wes was going to achieve something with his usual ease where Eric would have struggled – still did, obviously, struggle – but it wasn’t like Eric had thought Kai wasn’t worth the attention.

He deserved so very, very much. 

And Eric was so very, very unsuited to give it to him.

Further reflection was cut off by a pair of arms wrapping around Eric’s stomach, and he was startled to find Leo latching onto his side, the brunette’s face buried against his shoulder.

Eric paused, blinking, but the image did not change.  The warmth was still there.  Leo was still… hugging him.

He was far too sober for this.  Eric suddenly had an intimate understanding of how Taylor felt for most of their conversations.

“I’m sorry.” It was said in the barest whisper, a gruff exhale so quiet Eric almost mistook it for a trick of his mind.  Unfortunately he didn’t, because Leo’s lips were pretty firmly pressed against the thin material atop Eric’s collarbone.  And even if he wanted to pretend they weren’t doing the whole words-thing right now, he wasn’t a dick enough to ignore the sudden wetness against his shoulder.

_Houston, we have tears_. 

It was a bizarre experience, and not one Eric particularly wanted to repeat, but before he could think about it, his hands had abandoned the dishes in favor of returning Leo’s awkward embrace, suds staining the back of the red ranger’s t-shirt.  He didn’t seem to care about it too much.  That was good, this was good, Eric guessed.

“I’m sorry,” Leo repeated, and this was a croak, raw and… very real, very earnest.  It was more than guilt, even Eric could see that.  It was a true outpour of sorrow.  “I shouldn’t have- _I’m sorry_.”

“You didn’t break this Leo.” They had come that way, pre-packaged with imperfections.

“But I didn’t _help_.” The brunette’s grip tightened against Eric’s shirt as he insisted this, his fingers digging into skin unknowingly.  “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, and by the time I figured that out, it had all spiraled into this _stupid_ thing and-” He sucked in another deep breath, his body wracked with shudders.

This was… this wasn’t Leo. This wasn’t the Leo Eric knew.

How long had it been like this, since Eric didn’t notice?

“Are you okay, kid?”

The nickname- aggravator, okay, that was what it was – slipped out accidentally.  Habit, maybe, whenever he asked after Leo’s condition before it had been in mock interest, and maybe he just wanted a rise out of him, some form of old-Leo to make an appearance.

New-Leo, current-Leo, chuckled bitterly, but didn’t argue. 

Instead, he proceeded to take the conversation in a direction Eric had never expected as a possibility.

“I think I might be gay.”

Eric froze, and he could feel Leo tense up beside him, his body rigid with a kind of tension that wore on your bones from one repression too many.  Belatedly, Eric realized his reaction could classify as possible rejection.  He forced his mind to start moving, biting out the first thing that popped into his head.

“ _That’s_ why you’ve been acting like…” Eric struggled for the words, trying to determine why in the heck this would be enough of a problem for Leo to be all…

“Like an ass?” the brunette offered.

“Sure,” Eric replied, distracted.  “We can go with that.”

Leo still hadn’t looked at him, which was good, they were too close for that to be useful for anything other than creating awkward tension, but he could feel the other ranger shift his weight, like he was uncertain.

“I might not have… I _had_ problems with it, I think.”

“Why?” It was the politest response Eric had, with ‘ _no shit_ ’ being the more eager of his two replies.  Though, probably not the most helpful.

Leo shrugged like he knew it was stupid, and some tension Eric didn’t know he was carrying drained from his body.

“I don’t know,” the Lost Galaxy ranger confessed.  “I don’t condemn it, not for my friends, but when it was me, I just-”

He buried his face deeper into Eric’s shoulder, and the Quantum ranger could feel him squeeze his eyes shut, like he was attempting to block out the stupid responses of yesterday.

“I get it,” Eric said, even if he didn’t.  At some point, one of his soap-covered hands had made it into Leo’s hair and was petting it, gingerly.  The other man didn’t reject it.

“That makes one of us,” Leo muttered bitterly. “I just-”

He looked up, and it was a ridiculous picture.  His hair was half wet, plastered in wild directions due to the soap, his eyes were red, puffy and damp, a pale comparison to their normal determination and cockiness. 

“It’s just, _you_ ,” Leo said, and Eric…

Was busy trying to keep his eyebrows from rising into the ceiling, where they so desperately wished to ascend.

“Me.” Eric repeated, no inflection, no judgment.  “You’re gay for-”

“ _What_?” The incredulous surprise Eric had been trying so desperately to hide finds a weird home on Leo’s face, who felt no such restraint for regulating his emotions.  “No, _not you_.”

“Oh good,” Eric drawled, focusing on that to keep the annoyance at bay.  “I’ll do my best not to be offended.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Leo hissed, and it was enough to make him pull away, the brunette clawing at his hair exasperatedly, his tone full of wonder.  “No, I’m not- I mean, _you’re not-_ ”

“I get it.” Eric rolled his eyes.  “You don’t need to elaborate.”

It wasn’t an unfair conclusion to draw, Eric noted.  If anyone was acting like a spazz, it was Leo, not _Eric_.  He would appreciate it if the Lost Galaxy ranger recognized that.

“It’s just-” And Leo still hadn’t noticed the soap in his hair as he collapsed onto the nearest bar stool, his eyes staring at the laminant countertop vacantly as he got his thoughts together.

On the other side of the kitchen, coffee had dripped onto the floor.  Eric should really think about cleaning it up.  

“You had everything you wanted,” Leo settled on finally.  It made Eric pause in his search for more paper towels, but Leo wasn’t even looking at him.  “You- this- I don’t even have words to describe you besides ‘abnormal’, but pretty much every ranger falls into that category and-” He paused, remembering to breathe.  “You had this- this dream life, where you were so happy but you were- are – also such an…” He trailed off, waving a hand vaguely.  “An _asshole_.”

“By all means Leo,” Eric deadpanned, grabbing for the paper towels.  “Tell me how you really feel.”

Blue eyes met his sharply.  “Come on,” Leo explained, put upon.  “You gotta admit, you’re no cup of sunshine.  Not even remotely.  I’m still kind of confused as to why Wes wants to be your friend so bad or Kai wants to date you-”

“Tell it to me straight, Leo,” he drawled.  Strange to think, Eric kind of missed the hugging.  At least then he was hearing shit he didn’t already know.

“-Or I _was_ confused,” Leo amended, but he was a train in motion, not stopping until the destination was reached.  “But I- I get it.  I get what I didn’t want to see before.  Because before I just- I wanted to be mad that a guy like you could have everything he wanted- could be happily content- and I couldn’t.”

The confession lingered in the air uncomfortably, so Eric focused on cleaning the spilled coffee, picking up the abandoned mug and setting it aside to be cleaned later.

When Leo continued, it was in a whisper.  “I should have been happy,” he said, his fingers drumming quiet patters against the counter.  “I fight to protect others, I live in this _amazing_ world where there’s a new adventure every day, I have the best friends- the best family – a guy could hope for but I still-” He swallowed, and for once Eric knew where he was going.  Knew what he was going to say without the answer being an insult, or a sarcastic reply, or something he would have previously perceived as stupid.

“I hated myself,” Leo said, and it was a weight, a label, that Eric was far too familiar with.

“Still kind of do, actually,” Leo continued, and there was a light chuckle at the end of it, but Eric could tell it was forced.

When Leo turned his gaze away from the counter, Eric was ready for him.

A rueful smile graced the brunette’s lips.  “It was easier, to hate you though.  It was easier to hate you and focus all the… _crap_ on you- to picture you as this two-dimensional low life who kept hurting my friend than it was for me to…” He waved his hands, but Eric didn’t need to hear any more.  He had been there, he knew.

“It was easier to do that,” Leo repeated, like he was solidifying it in his mind.  “Than it was for me to come to terms with a very real attraction I have, and the realization that I have no particular understanding of how to pursue it.”

“Gotta admit, this is not the coming-out party I would having pictured for you.”

That earned a string of bitter laughter.  “That makes two of us.”

The brunette sighed, rubbing a hand across his face, wiping at the tears Eric generously averted his eyes from.  Seeing the Lost Galaxy ranger this vulnerable was an enlightening experience in its own right.  It hadn’t just been Leo, who hadn’t bothered to humanize their perceived ‘antagonist’.  Eric had never looked into the depths of the other red ranger to see him as anything less than Kai’s goody-two shoes friend ( _‘to keep him at a distance’_ – Dana would have said, and Eric was beginning to acknowledge the truth in it). 

In reality, Eric didn’t know much of Leo’s background beyond what Kai had shared, and Kai- his firm life motto was that people’s secrets were their own to share, so the detailed backstory of one Leo Corbett, to this point, had remained a mystery.

Based on disposition alone, Eric had deferred to the other ranger’s judgement in social situations.  Hell, he tried to defer to _anyone_ else’s judgement rather than rely on his own.

You could see where his personal decision making paradigm had left him.

“Eric.”

Just his name, uttered softly with an almost tired weight.  Not put-upon, like Leo’s usual air when dealing with the Quantum Ranger, but more of an emotional exhaustion with which Eric had unfortunately become altogether too familiar.

The tears were gone, when he looked back at Leo, and the red ranger was gazing at him with a cool seriousness that seemed almost alien on his features.  “You can’t put Kai on a pedestal.”

“I’m not.” The automatic reply was out of Eric’s mouth before he could even think about it, before he could catch up, and Leo’s face twisted from schooled to frustrated in under a second.

“You _are_ ,” Leo insisted.  His body had tensed up again, barely contained energy radiating from him, fingers digging into the counter.  “You’re raising him up to the unattainable level just like you do with the rest of the world, because somewhere along the line some _asshole_ made you think you weren’t good enough.  Or society as a whole made you think you weren’t good enough, that you didn’t _deserve_ it, that you were broken in some way.  So you sort people into categories of ‘as broken as me’ and ‘everyone else’ and ‘ _everyone else’_ gets a free pass on social interaction because what the hell do you know, right?  And that-” Leo’s mouth shut with an audible _‘click’_.  If Eric looked close enough, he could see the tremor in the other ranger’s jaw, the wet sheen gathering in his eyes again.

Eric turned away.

“You’re not _broken,_ Eric.” A hand slid onto his shoulder, Leo discontent to simply let this one go.  “You don’t deserve to be alone and you’re not twisted past the point of redemption, or whatever the hell you think is wrong with you.  We- _Kai_ is a person.  A person with faults, just the same as you.  You don’t get to decide he deserves better and give up-”

“I’m not-” Eric tried again, but as before, Leo cut him off.

“That’s exactly what you’re doing,” the other man insisted, grip tightening against Eric’s shoulder.

He sounded despairing and hollow, and it was strange on him.

“There’s two options here,” Leo continued.  “Either A) you’re giving up on him for your own self-imposed ‘noble’ reasons or B) you legitimately do not want to date him anymore, and whatever romantic or aesthetic attraction you kindled at the holiday party is so far gone that you had to drink yourself stupid to forget the waste of time.  So which one is it?”

Eric pulse jumped, his throat constricting as he tried, fruitlessly, to school his breathing into something level.  It didn’t seem to work, everything was coming in too fast, shallow and worthless, blood pounding in his ears.

“So is it option two?” Leo, stupid, _stubborn_ Leo pushed his way in front of Eric, cutting the Quantum ranger off from the safe haven of the sink.  “You don’t actually like Kai?  I bet that’s it.  I bet you pulled this off on some whim, and now that he’s built up a backbone, he doesn’t seem quite as appealing, does he?”

“Shut up,” Eric growled.  It wasn’t like that.  They weren’t-

“You never even liked him, did you?” Leo pushed, shoving an insistent finger into Eric’s chest.  “It was all about the thrill of the chase, wasn’t it?  Saw some guy Wes could possibly be talking up and you had to-”

“Shut up.” Eric turned and forged his way into the living room, strides quick and determined to escape the might of Leo.

“And after you got him, the novelty was gone, right?  Been there, done that, might as well move on-”

_“Shut up!”_ Eric turned with a snarl, unable to hold back any longer.  “Fuck you, Corbett.  I would never do that to Kai, I _love_ him!”

The words were out without his intention, but even through the anger and the shock, Eric couldn’t den that they felt right.  Even with his chest heaving from the exertion, staring down the other red ranger with the certainty he would deny this claim, it felt true.

It _was_ true. 

“Then why are you letting him go?” Leo pressed.  “Why the hell are you moving forward with this ‘mercy kill’ for your relationship if you love him so damn much?”

Eric narrowed his eyes.  “It’s not that simple.”

“The hell it isn’t,” Leo spat, closing the distance between them with the same enhanced-speed as Eric.  “You want to spew some bullshit like _‘If I love him then I’ll let him go’_ , but really, the only thing you’re saying is _‘I don’t respect his decision-making capabilities and must superimpose my will in his place, because clearly he doesn’t know better_ ’.”

“He _doesn’t_ know better.”  Eric did.  He knew the train wreck that was his life.

“Sure,” Leo scoffed.  “But he does know that it’s easier to give up than it is to be brave, because that was something he did with you _every damn day_.”

The words hung in the air awkwardly, Eric still struggling to understand why or how they had gotten to this.  When he had decided Leo was worth the argument. 

“You think you are so alone in not-understanding people,” Leo muttered.  His voice sounded wet, thick with unshed tears, and the drastic change in tone left Eric spinning.  “You idolize Kai for being something that you’re not, but you never realized, not once, that he probably spent every day with you waiting to screw something up.  Waiting for the moment where he would commit some kind of faux pas so grievous that you would dump his ass, because _newsflash_ Eric, he doesn’t do well with people either.”

He wiped a hand over his brow, fingers tangling in the soap-sudded mess of his hair aimlessly, his mind obviously elsewhere.  Eric was still trying to catch up, half of him wanting to call Leo out on some kind of bullshit but he couldn’t help but acknowledge, as much as he would rather not, that there was potentially some truth to Leo’s words.

“I know we always joked about how you two were ‘peas in a very broken pod’,” Leo began, his voice gentle now, almost soothing.  “But I don’t think you ever realized how truly similar you were.  That maybe, just _maybe_ , he could have the same fears as you.”

His head hung low, flopping against his chest as he stared at some new point of interest on the floor.  “And then you had to go and prove him right.”

Anxiety and helplessness flooded Eric.  “I didn’t mean-”

“I know,” Leo cut him off, but not unkindly.  It was weird.  “I know, but it happened, and now you’ve gotta fix it.”

“How could I possibly make it right?”

He couldn’t.  There was- Eric had absolute certainty in that fact, but a small part of him, the one that wanted to hope, pushed for an answer anyway.  It was curiosity, that’s all.  Simple curiosity to entertain the unfathomable.  No harm in that.

“Well first,” Leo began.  “You’re going to tell him how you feel.  And then you’re going to explain that your fear of ruining your relationship made you ruin your relationship, and there’s a chance he might appreciate the irony in that.  If so, I would use it as an entrance to a corny pickup line, and then maybe take the guy you love on a date, or something.  Hell, we could even double-date, if that would make it easier.”

“And I get to meet your mystery man?” Eric asked, it was easier than trying to digest Leo’s proposed plan, and the impossibilities it suggested.

Leo nodded, something almost akin to a smile on his face.  “The same time my mystery man gets to meet me, so it will be an exciting afternoon for all of us.”

“Probably just for you two,” Eric said.  He needed to say it; he needed to get it out before he could do something stupid like kindle hope within his chest.

Instead of arguing, Leo took his comment in stride, with a practiced roll of his eyes.  “We’ll work on the positive attitude on the way over.  Now, come on.”  He grabbed Eric’s wrist, tugging the Quantum ranger into the living room.  “Put your shoes on.”

“What?”  Dazed, Eric followed along, complying only out of confusion when the brunette shoved his boots into his hands.  “I’m not doing this now.”

“Hell yes, you’re doing this now.” Leo didn’t argue so much as stated this as a given natural law of science – indisputable and firm in everyone’s regard.

“And I sure as hell am not doing it with you,” Eric protested, even as he began tying his laces. 

What?  Eventually he _would_ have to put his shoes on.  He had guests he needed to buy provisions for.  Or murder tools of retaliation. One or the other.

“Can’t have a double-date without the other couple,” Leo replied blithely.  “I’ll wait outside.  It’ll be great, now grab your coat.”

“We’re not doing this _now_ ,” Eric repeated again.

It needed to be said.  It wasn’t going to happen.  It _wasn’t_.  He wasn’t dumb enough to hope for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To explain why Leo has been a bit of a dick to our beloved hero of this story.
> 
> Until next time :)

**Author's Note:**

> It’s the sequel to ‘Public Nuisance’ no one knew they wanted. With feelings. How ‘bout that?
> 
> Previous Anniversary pieces include: 
> 
> 1\. Any Moment – Chapter 32: The Rainbow Connection  
> 2\. Songs About Rainbows  
> 3\. Beyond that Road Lies Despair  
> 4\. All Things Great and True  
> 5\. Happiness is a Firefly  
> 6\. The Time Love Takes  
> 7\. Breaking Space Time – Chapter 1: Doing it Wrong
> 
> Until next time :)


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